midnite lily's

One thing I love about how organized Australian cities are, enough for any first timer to get around, is that you can find how to get from point A to point B online. There's StreetDirectory.com.au that pin-points you to the exact location based on address. And there's 131500.info - for all Sydney public transportation - which tells you how to get to and from your destination via the addresses or landmarks.

So, I'm looking at 131500.info on how to get to an interview destination tomorrow which is in North Sydney across the harbour. I decided to choose to leave from East Balmain wharf to take the ferry across, and gave those details. It gave me four options. One of which made me laugh so hard...

It suggested me to walk to the wharf across the harbour that's only 1.4km away, I'd be able to arrive at my destination in over half an hour.

Gawd...

Posted by Zona Marie at 8:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Wishing everyone a very Merry & Blessed Christmas, with many blessings to come in 2008! This isn't a belated Christmas wish mind you, because Christmas is celebrated from Dec 25th until Epiphany on Jan 6th.

Yes, I'm finally back in Sydney - for good. And we're on our way getting prepped for the wedding - which we decided will be a very quiet and private affair. It's been quite a dizzying transition, but it hasn't quite sunk in yet that I've moved here for good. It's probably the holiday season doing that. We'll see what happens around when the New Year swings in.

Lee and I took a walk around the city on Boxing Day to look at the decorations. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much decked out this year save for a big tree up on Martin Place (photo above). Although we did find this one that shows how Sydney does things differently: instead of a Santa on a sleigh, here's Santa on a boat... In the air, and what is prolly the tallest tree in the city... Hahah... Both were up in the air on a crane at Rozelle Bay.

Posted by Zona Marie at 4:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

The following video is an independent account of the events that happened at the 'Lawyers For Freedom Of Assembly Bersama Rakyat' march from Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman to Bar Council building on December 9th, 2007 from 0745 hours to 0900 hours.

What is going on with Malaysia, when even lawyers get arrested for "obstruction of traffic" during their march in conjunction with International Human Rights Day?

Continue reading "Lawyers, activists detained for illegal march" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 5:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

me: ah well.. now u know why m better off beading. haha.. helps me stop thinking
eaglewing: lol
eaglewing: i get that too... accusations that i think too much
me: i think msians generally think too little
eaglewing: hmm
eaglewing: you might have a point
me: i've heard ppl ("friends") complain and tell me i think too deep, and dismiss me in favour of lighter topics
eaglewing: lolol
me: with friends in sydney, i felt NORMAL!

Conversation edited for clarity.

Posted by Zona Marie at 9:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

It just makes me smile when the Sydney Morning Herald posts news like this every now and then.

When web designer Patrick Moberg, 21, from Brooklyn, locked eyes with a rosy-cheeked woman while riding in Manhattan on Sunday night he was smitten. But the train was so full that he lost her in the crowd when they both got off, so he set up a website dedicated to finding the mystery woman - www.nygirlofmydreams.com.
~New Yorkers help man find Aussie beauty, SMH Nov 10th 2007

Posted by Zona Marie at 2:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Think the United States of America, Canada and Mexico combined to form the North American Union, much like the European Union. And from it, comes the Amero.

It could easily be dismissed as a conspiracy theory, but this site shows photographs and a video of actual Amero coins minted by the Denver Mint. Go ahead to question its existence further, and also wonder if the following clip from CNN is a ploy from the American government or not.

What do you think? Because if this is true, all our lives will surely be affected.

Posted by Zona Marie at 9:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I don't know why I bother blogging any more. In the course of the six years I've erratically blogged, I've felt the brunt of being emotionally vulnerable here one too many times. Yet, it's as if those short outbursts and losses of friendships aren't enough to make me give up blogging.

The reason why I haven't yet stopped, is because it is for every person I had lost as a "friend", I gained at least two more valuable friendships from writing about what I go through. Blogging may seem irresponsible to some, but to me now, it's become a community of people who can relate to what I am going through or share supportive words. Contrary to what some of you may think, I am not the most verbally assertive person up front. Everything comes later, the anger, the I-should've-saids... almost long after things have been said and done. And I hate myself for being stupidly meek. So then it stupidly comes out here. Where the burden gets relieved.

You wouldn't ve known until now, that the very first email Lee ever sent me was because of something I had written in my blog, where I had lost a friend. A friend who thought I shouldn't write the emotional things I wrote here. Lee related at heart to the things I went through. I wonder now, if I hadn't expressed myself so honestly, if we would have ever met...

I don't care about losing friends any more. I don't say I've ever been perfect, as a friend or as a person. I am stubborn. I am emotional. So what? If I know what I want in my life and I will do it for myself, not because someone's told me to do something or have labelled me.

It's just horribly ironic how voyeuristic we are when it comes to relating to other people's pain, but when it comes to things being written about that involves you, the defence mechanism goes up like clockwork.

No wonder a lot of writers make up stories.

Yet, I think... I will contemplate on ending it here. I've become too weary for dealing with blogging's brunts. Maybe just having Lee find me here is enough.

Posted by Zona Marie at 3:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

that people who have nothing nice to say about me or to me...
that people who think they know me and want to change me...
that people who don't know how to accept me for who I am...
that people who need me to chase their dreams for them...

are not my friends.

And are not worth wasting time with.

*sigh*

In all honesty? I think the people I've lost as friends of late, are the people who don't have the courage to follow their heart, and find it difficult to see me do it. But I could be wrong.

Posted by Zona Marie at 3:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'm staring blankly at the things in my room, wondering how many boxes would my life fit into? Not as much as it should, I know.

A lot of the things I grew up with were all carefully given or thrown away over the years we've moved many houses. You could say we lived almost a nomadic type of lifestyle. Never having had a place to call home, and sometimes relying on the kindness of friends who had a little extra space for a family of four. We'd even once had to live in room that was originally a colonial home servant's quarters. Now that we've finally settled in to a place we call home and having watched my parents become genuinely house proud, after barely four years, one by one the nest grows empty.

My brother moved out a few weeks ago. And very soon, it will be my turn. This time, definitely, for good.

"Pack everything... Anything you leave behind will be thrown away,"

I am almost afraid to sift through the things I hoarded along with me all these years. A stack of diaries, piles of letters from old boyfriends and pen-pals, shoe boxes full of ticket stubs... Useless mementos of things I had been privileged to do with my meagre allowance. If I pored over them, I know that bitter-sweet memories will be triggered. Precisely the reason why these things were kept in the first place. Yet, is there room for it where I am going?

My life right now is clearly split into two, geographically. My past, and my future. Do I carry with me any of these things? Baggage of a past that makes me who I am today. Or do I completely disown them as material rubbish, and leave with a clean slate?

I am lost in a transition, bearing the temporal over the eternal.

Jesus said to him, "The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head." ~ Matthew 8:20

Posted by Zona Marie at 2:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Would you listen to me, if I wanted to tell you something? What would you do with what I told you? A listening ear isn't enough. If I told you what hurts me right now, it is because need a healing hand. Someone to help me through this. I'm not being dramatic. If you think I am, then maybe you don't need to know.

I've told you. But you've let it pass. It's not enough for me. Because now I feel even more alone. I would've rather kept it to myself and be alone, than have told you and be left alone.

You have a life. The world doesn't revolve around me, yes. But is this too much to ask? I never stopped you from telling me. I would help if you asked, if I could.

Maybe I'm just a burden.

Posted by Zona Marie at 1:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Paulo Coelho recently did a lecture in Glasgow, and one of the questions posed to him was "What is the meaning of life?"

During his Jesuit education, Coelho recognized that there was one clear answer. During the hippy movement, in contrast, Coelho became aware of 200,000 explanations for the meaning of life.

Now, Coelho thinks the question should be left open, as if you find an answer, you close your universe. He says that if you are close to knowing, you will experience enthusiasm for what you are doing; if you are far away from the truth, you will be bored. ~taken from The Herald

You can view that part of the lecture here --

But I'd recommend watching him from the beginning. The videos can be found here at YouTube.

Posted by Zona Marie at 3:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I read with empathy, Lisa's entry. I cringed in annoyance at the ignorance of the person she referenced. It hurt to be Lisa receiving such a comment, that the said person was concerned about a lack of a career in her life, her "unfulfilled life". What a cruel thing to say, I felt.

Yes, it may have come with well-meaning intentions. But who are we to tell another person that their life is unfulfilled? What yardstick of successes do we have in our individual lives that we can measure fulfilment? A lack of career is not the be all of success. Being a mother is also an under-rated form of fulfilment, and yet there are women in this world who berate motherhood. Being a lover and partner can also be very fulfilling on its own. Who said we have to conform to every one of society's demands to have a fulfilling life?

I don't feel that comment was very fair. We all go through our little struggles and constant questions of what the meaning of our lives are, or where was it going. We also discover every day that new meaning is found, regardless of what we do. Happiness is not instant. It isn't a constant, one-time-only experience that lead us to fulfilment either. Life is a collective journey of all emotions -- the hurt and pain. The loses and gain. Is to have only happiness, or money, leading to a fulfilled life? No. What is fulfilling, is your own goals and decisions of what makes you happy.

When the person made the remark to Lisa, I wonder if she/he was truly fulfilled or happy with theirs. Or if they'd say the same thing tomorrow.

None of us share the same meaning of life. All of us have our individual meanings and fulfilments, each individual roles to play and contribute to the greater picture. None of us should impose our goals on others, regardless of success. Instead, we should believe in sharing our positive energy and God given talents to encourage others to achieve whatever their dreams are. And let go of those who hold us back with negative energy from listening to our hearts.

I now understand what it means by, only God shall be the judge of us.

Posted by Zona Marie at 2:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We've seen how the Malaysian government has disgraced and vilified bloggers in so many ways. Now, the Australian government is doing the exact opposite. Maybe our government should take heed and emulate how the Australian government is embracing blogging.

Government keen to start 'citizens' blog'
BLOGGING is now being embraced by the Australian Government as a way of seeking the views of the public. It has released a discussion paper to canvass comment on setting up a "citizens' blog".
~The Age, Sept 25th 2007

The blog would enable people to take part in consultations, posting views in relation to various items of text or video provided by the Government. The discussion paper, released by Special Minister of State Gary Nairn, asks people to say how they would like to use an online consultation website and what features they would want to have included in it. Feedback will go into a public report.

Posted by Zona Marie at 5:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

While I think technology is amazing in making connections, it's the recent re-connections that disturb me. There's something about suddenly being "too close" with friends of the past that have seemingly unearthed feelings of belittlement that sinks me into a depressive state. It's a strange pre-conditioned emotion that every time certain names come up, I feel hurt. I wish it didn't. *sigh*

Posted by Zona Marie at 3:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I spoke with my case officer yesterday about a tiny speed bump over my health check for the visa. It's nothing major, just a bit of delay in getting one of the reports. She seemed chipper about getting my visa done quickly, and relayed how her other clients were pestering her to get their visas because their wedding date was approaching. Somehow I suddenly felt like maybe I wasn't as excited, for not jumping onto the badgering bandwagon. And to think one of my girlfriends had asked me why I was so in a hurry to get married. Tsk.

It's not so much a matter of getting married, as much as it's being able to be with Lee. Living in two different countries and having no mutual geographic history together is very different from your average LDR. And when legalities come in the way of being together, it's bloody expensive for us to be bouncing back and forth and playing the "hard-to-get" game, if you know what I mean. So yeah, the whole pretty pomp and splendour of a wedding is starting to get tossed into the back seat. It's a "I-just-want-to-get-it-over-with-a-civil-ceremony-so-I-can-be-with-him" mode. ^_~

Continue reading "Putting on the speed bumps" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 8:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The true birth date of a nation that unfortunately only the East Malaysians celebrate.

The name "Malaysia" was adopted in 1963 when the Federation of Malaya (Malay: Persekutuan Tanah Melayu), Singapore, Sabah and Sarawak formed a 14-state federation.[4] Singapore was expelled from the federation in 1965 and subsequently became an independent country.[5]~from wikipedia

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since Lee's gone back to Sydney last Sunday, I spent the week getting back to work, fixing for a foreign company's production job and doing the health checks for the Australian visa. Felt tiresome going back and forth the city settling red tape issues as a fixer, while seeing the doctors. Besides the GP, I also had to see my nephrologist twice. I had to take two blood tests and a couple of urine tests. I've taken so many urine tests this year, I griped to Lee about it and he responded with,

Just think you're peeing for your future.

But it's surreal to think that we've finally submitted my application. I'll probably get all the reports in to the Australian High Commission here by late next week, then it's the big wait. This is really happening isn't it?

Posted by Zona Marie at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Coming back from the holiday, I can't seem to help but fall back into the heartbreaking reality I felt from the engagement party last week. While everything went awesome, and as meaningful as I hoped it would turn out to be, the most disappointing thing to have happened was that six of my closest contemporaries and confidants didn't turn up for my engagement party.

I know half of them had very valid excuses, but it hurt me to feel like this wasn't important to them as it was for me. Especially when you've shared a lot of your life, emotions and most difficult moments with them, you'd wish that they'd be able to share even the good moments too. *sigh* I'm still very hurt from it. I could almost imagine that, had I not also invited other friends whom I didn't share as much personal or emotional history with, I might as well only have had two guests. I guess it hurts also because I know I'm not going to be living in the same city as everyone any more, and it's as though they don't care that I'm leaving. And also that there is a high chance that I won't have a reception in KL, hence, keeping the number of people able to attend it in Sydney very small.

What annoyed me was one friend, whom although I felt sympathy for her guilt for not being able to attend because she was ill, called me also in the middle of things to say how bad she felt. Another pissed me off real bad, because he didn't bother RSVP-ing, but called me in the middle of the party, interrupting a game we were having with our guests, and saying (quite rudely, in my opinion) he'd be late. He eventually didn't turn up, of course. At that point, I was very frustrated and angry that they had the gall to interrupt me from entertaining those who did make the wonderful effort to RSVP and attend to share in the event with Lee, my family and I.

After all this, I question my choice of company and friends now, really. Was it just pure coincidence that all who were close to me couldn't make it for the party? Or just that I've been making wrong assumptions over who were my closest friends? *sigh*

In any case, I value very deeply those who did turn up and helped with the event, albeit last minute. I will be posting a few words of thanks and what happened at the engagement party-blessing ceremony at the wedding blog soon enough. Particularly when I get the photos from my "official photographer".

Posted by Zona Marie at 3:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I'm half sunburnt from an almost week-long trip to the East coast. Spent two nights at Pulau Gemia, a day in Kuala Terengganu and two nights in Kota Bharu. I want to go back to the beach! *ho-hums*

Lee and I finally submitted my Prospective Marriage Visa application at the Australian High Commission, last Friday. Before we even sat down to be interviewed by the case officer, she said

You have a lot (of documents) here.

I can't wait *^_^*

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Lee arrives in KL for the second time in a row. It's funny, I feel almost the same excitement having to meet him at the airport like I did last year. Sans nervous breakdown lah, of course! *^_^*

It's gonna be a busy two and a half weeks. I'm thankful for the break off work while Lee's in town. We're going off to the east coast after the engagement party, then hopefully on a couple of road trips maybe to Penang and Malacca. And in between all that, it's also off to the Australian High Commission to *finally* submit my visa application!

Of course, in the most immediate time, it's such a nice coincidence that at the Malaysian International Fireworks Competition in Putrajaya, Team Australia's having their turn tomorrow night when it's also Lee's birthday! We'll be there! Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi! Hehehe...

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I'm posting this up for a friend, Natasha, a really passionate animal lover. Please help them find a new loving homes.

URGENT: 2 ABANDONED LARBRADORS
Hi guys...
This is really urgent, 2 labradors (male & female) have been abandoned by their owners. Need someone to foster them while I find them a permanent home. Please call me if anyone of you can give me a hand... My number is 016 322 8816...
Thanks
Natasha

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the last one and a half months, I've been working rather intensely on a breast cancer video project. Never have I felt this emotionally attached to a project. In the sense that, the topic of cancer has not stricken anyone close to me yet. But listening to the stories of these breast cancer survivors has aroused my empathy and a sense of awareness, strongly.

Today, I interviewed a woman so resilient, she shared with me how she went from asking herself "Why me?" to "Why NOT me?". Diseases like these are indiscriminate. Often times, we feel as though we are being punished for deeds done in the past, and now have to repay it by suffering. So we bear the pain as acceptance and penance. And for some, they do it quietly.

This woman was a hospice nurse in her younger days, and scenes like that are very common to her. But she tells herself, it isn't a punishment, it is a trial in life that needs to be overcome. And "Why not me?" because coming out of this will only make her stronger.

Wise words indeed. She went on to remind that we are not made to be alone in this life. That any suffering or trials should be shared to lighten each of our burdens. Keeping news of a disease to yourself means the burdens and pain will become a heavier load, and recovering will be such an uphill task. Knowing you have family and friends beside you all the time, on the other hand, will mean that life is worth living. And life is given a whole new meaning.

So don't ask yourself, or God, "Why me?" Turn it into something positive and say, "Why not me?" Because then, you will know you are loved and are much stronger that you thought you were.

Posted by Zona Marie at 9:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's strange to think that only months before, I'd blogged about how lonely I was in Sydney without any friends. Now, I'm living in an "in between" world where all the friends I have in KL have moved on with their lives and it's as though I'm not here. While my new friends in Sydney are wondering when will I be going back there.

It's making me wonder, have my friends here moved on because they know I won't be around for long? It might just be a defence mechanism that we usually have, I guess, to quietly drift away and let life take its due course away from that person. The idea is quite hurtful actually, and depressing nonetheless.

On my part, I know I'd been busy trying to pick up the pieces upon returning. Trying to put everything back into the balance. It did include trying to get back in touch with almost everyone close to me. Ironically, doing just that has made me realise again, all of the reasons I was looking forward to leaving here. It felt like I had taken five steps forward, and everything here was like it never changed. The disillusionment is still there, the settling for mediocrity, the settling for being miserable without making the choice of change. Honestly, part of me regrets coming back to KL. FiG's words about outgrowing Malaysia began to ring true. If I didn't understand it before, I understood it now.

I never want to be like one of those arrogant people who live abroad and think themselves better than those back in Malaysia. Neither am I going to be one who'll say, where I'll live is better than here. Yet, people keep implying that.

"Oh, she's got a better future there... It's a better life... bla bla bla...

Posted by Zona Marie at 2:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It's not even been three months working, and already I'm seriously burnt out. *sigh* I don't have the stamina to work in production any more, sadly.

My blood pressure dropped and I found myself suffering dizzy spells and headaches the last few days. Kinda ignored it, thinking it'd be fine after eating or whatever. But I realised the more tasks I was given, the more stressed I became until it reached a very near breaking point. I've been finding it very hard to concentrate or even make simple decisions like what I was used to. It got even more frustrating for me. And the frustration added to the stress. Driving the distance to and fro work... Planning Lee's arrival, thinking up ideas for the engagement party... All of it adds up.

Doesn't help that when I try looking for time outs with friends, it feels like an uphill task to get anyone who'd be even available for a leisure drink, let alone dinner. Anything to have company that doesn't talk about work.

Never been this physically and emotionally stressed.... Heart palpitations, dizziness, fatigue, trouble sleeping... All those symptoms of stress lah!

*sigh* Makes me feel so inadequate.

Posted by Zona Marie at 10:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Gwen Stefani may not be able to visit and party with Malaysians, because she's too obscene for us.

A Muslim students group that objects to the pop star's sexy style and come-hither lyrics is pushing to have Stefani's first-ever concert in Kuala Lumpur scrapped before the spotlights have a chance to shine.
"Her video clips promoting the event are too obscene," Mohamad Hilmi Ramli, president of the National Union of Malaysian Muslim Students, told Reuters. "We want the organizers to cancel the concert, failing which we will ask the authorities to intervene."~more at E! News

It should be quite obvious what Malaysians "enjoy" in the entertainment arena. This shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, after the last hullabaloo with the PussyCat Dolls. Plus, we do have a history of banning the top international musicians and acts like Mariah Carey. When it comes to making international headlines like this, Malaysia boleh.

But yah lor, if you gonna ban Gwen, bring Norah lor! =P

Posted by Zona Marie at 6:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The international film community suffers two losses this week. Italian "Master of Modernity" filmmaker Michelangelo Antonioni, 94, and Swedish filmmaker icon Ingmar Bergman, 89, both died in their own homes respectively.

Ingmar Bergman left in the early hours of yesterday morning. Within a few hours, Michelangelo Antonioni had followed him through the exit door. It remains to be seen whether this signals the onset of some art-house apocalypse - some Biblical purge of revered European auteurs - but the omens are hardly encouraging. How are Godard, Resnais and Rohmer bearing up? Can we urge them to stay indoors, wrap up warm, and maybe put on some old DVDs. Anything to keep them out of circulation until the curse has run its course.
~taken from Guardian Unlimited

It feels surreal to have lived in an era and lose milestone makers of the industry. And both of them almost side by side, no less. Almost feels like 1997's Princess Diana-Mother Teresa double whammy.

Other news clippings...
Obituary: Michelangelo Antonioni, filmmaker
Filmmaking icon Bergman dies

Posted by Zona Marie at 2:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My blog's back end has been upgraded from Movable Type's 3.3 to it's real-ass beta version MT4. There's loads of kinks. Including my archives being absolutely messed because it won't rebuild. Seems to be the problem every time I upgrade MT versions. Bleh.

Anyway, don't think I can revert backwards now - they're up to beta 3 now. So, excuse me while my blog's being de-buggered.

Posted by Zona Marie at 6:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Been busy getting my life back on track of late... Especially with all the bad finances I left behind. Terribly back into swing with production work, means a very limited life online. Well, for my blog, I mean. But I'll honestly tell you I'm addicted to Facebook x_X

I'm also drowning in juggling two projects. One of which is an emotional support video for breast cancer patients. This is one project I'm beginning to feel empathy for. And I'm somewhat glad I'm working on it, albeit the initial madness.

On the other hand, Lee's coming up to KL late next month. And I'm *VERY MUCH* looking forward for his arrival. *^_^*

Other than that, I'm still the grumpy, snappish girl I've been since I came back from Sydney. Nyeh.

Posted by Zona Marie at 9:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing but I can try for your heart
And our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

It's always better when we're together
We'll look at the stars when we're together
It's always better when we're together
It's always better when we're together

And all of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

It's always better when we're together
We're somewhere in between together
Well it's always better when we're together
It's always better when we're together

I believe in memories they look so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together
~ Jack Johnson, Better Together

Posted by Zona Marie at 9:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

*taken from Paulo Coelho's Like the Flowing River

A man asked my friend Jaime Cohen:

"What is the human being's funniest characteristic?"

"Our contradictoriness. We are in such a hurry to grow up, and then we long for our lost childhood. We make ourselves ill earning money, and then we spend all our money on getting well again. We think so much about the future that we neglect the present, and thus experience neither the present or the future. We live as if we were never going to die, and die as if we never have lived."

Continue reading "The Funny Thing About Human Beings" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

At least, that's what happened to this family, who didn't even plan on visiting Malaysia.

SEPANG: An Australian family has been stranded at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport for five days after failing to get seats on Malaysia Airlines flights to Melbourne.

They have been sleeping on a row of seats in the terminal building, bathing at the airport's restrooms and surviving on a diet of bread, tuna and instant noodles.

In April, businessman Afrasiyab Mohammadiyan Diznab, 52, his wife, Vesaliyeh Norouzi, 51, their daughter, Saba, 21, and son, Houman, 13, went to Teheran to visit relatives -- their first visit since migrating to Australia 13 years before.

They planned to be back in Melbourne in May. However, they could not find any available MAS flights to Kuala Lumpur as they were travelling on open tickets. "We had to wait two extra months there before we got the tickets. more...

Posted by Zona Marie at 8:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I'm reminded... I don't like being where I am... This type of work... This type of lifestyle... I don't want to be like this any more. I know work doesn't need to be this way. I've had so many burnouts to know, this isn't what I want. I am surrounded by so many others, whom I can look at their lives as a reflection of what is ahead of me, and I can say, "I don't want to be in their shoes."

I don't have the patience to sit here and listen to an episode being repeated for edits, over and over again. I don't have the composure to deal with a client wanting constant changes. I don't have the energy, to leave it to someone else when I know it would've been done better if I did it myself. I don't have the passion any more.

So, why do I find myself face to face with it, all over again?

Posted by Zona Marie at 1:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

While being empathetic for Nathaniel Tan, his family, and the plight of those who bravely fight for political justice in Malaysia, I now honestly detest the idea of the association of Nat being arrested for being a blogger, or any such equation "blogger = arrested". This is particularly evident because of his direct involvement in politics in real life, in the first place. Being a Malaysian blogger does not make you a political blogger, or someone involved in politics.

While I was supportive of Jeff and Rocky's plight, as a by-stander, I'm beginning to loathe headlines flashing "blogger sued" or "blogger arrested". Please do not contaminate the meaning of a "blogger". Political figures or activists who are blogging, while I respect your move to reach out to us citizens in ways that you can, you're beginning to give the Malaysian blogosphere a bad name for the rest of us.

FYI, I am not and do not like to be classified as a socio-political blogger.

But I will say this, from what I've read regarding Nat's arrest, it just proves how dirty our so-called law enforcement "authorities" are -- and it's played out in the open for all to see. Kudos to our police force! Malaysia memang boleh!

Posted by Zona Marie at 12:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Could I be any poorer where I am?
Unhappy where I am, lost into where I'll be;
I've taken leaps forward, and left ones behind
Though home, still very distant

Like a toad under a rock, I chose
To see myself here

Posted by Zona Marie at 10:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On two separate occasions after returning from Sydney, I've been asked

What is it like to date a white guy? Is it different? How did you cope culturally?

My answer, yes and no. Of course dating someone from a different culture and environment is different. But I would say no different than someone dating a guy or girl of another race here in Malaysia itself. I've dated Malay, Chinese, Eurasian, celups and Aussies. And the culture shock that stood out for me most? Was, believe it or not, when I was dating a Chinese Malaysian.

Continue reading "Dating Outside My Race" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 3:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Why do we (or our press, specifically) celebrate successful Malaysian-borns who've long left the country?

Malaysian-Born Aussie Senator Set For Leadership Role MELBOURNE, July 3 (Bernama) -- Malaysian-born Australia politician is strongly tipped to win a parliamentary leadership role with the Australian Labor Party after the federal elections later this year.

Senator Penelope (Penny) Wong Ying Yen is only 38, yet she has impressed her parliamentary colleagues and political opponents, and more importantly, the agenda-setting journalists covering Parliament in Canberra, in her role as Shadow Minister for Public Administration and Accountability and Shadow Minister for Workplace Participation. (more...)

This isn't new. Let's not forget other instances... Guy Sebastian? The Malaysian-born Australian Idol. That Malaysian-American girl who won an American beauty pageant. A Malaysian who was celebrated as the face of multicultural Australia (the newspaper article was written about her during the Australian citizenship ceremony, btw). And a lot more, I bet.

Thing is, Malaysia prohibits dual citizenship. People caught with dual nationalities have their Malaysian passports revoked, usually. These people have been "disowned" by law, so why celebrate their "Malaysian-born" status? Isn't this hypocrisy? To be Malaysian is not a race, like being Indian. Being Malaysian is a nationality. So how do you become a Malaysian-Aussie? That's politically an oxymoron, isn't it?

This is just part of our false pride, isn't it? Or maybe it's our press' way of telling our clueless lawmakers and education policy makers how much we suck? Or could it just be "investigative" journalism, to unearth Malaysians who could possibly be holding two passports?

Whatever it is, I'd rather be proud that she's a female senator, proving that Australia isn't racist and are progressively moving beyond their White Australia policy. Instead of giving false pride that Malaysia boleh.

Posted by Zona Marie at 12:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Since coming back to KL, I've gone back to the director's seat. Ordering the crew around, deciding on shots, etc. This project is kacang putih compared to what I've done previously. But the reality is, I'm a bit rusty. I can't believe how time has flown by, my last directing gig was late 2005 and it feels like ages ago.

The other thing is, I've long been nursing thoughts of leaving the industry. I don't feel as passionate about production like I used to. I've let go two big opportunities in the last year, which could have seen me working on projects I've always wanted to do. Things that were more serious and substantial in content, than most of the superficial entertainment programmes I've worked on.

Mute said that we might have reached a stage in our careers where we don't want to produce other people's work or ideas any more; that we're craving to create and produce our own passions. There's probably truth in that. I do want to work on my own documentary. And the time out back in KL might be giving me that chance. Yet, honestly, my passion has always been writing. Not creating films or television shows.

It's hard to weigh the two. I've come so far with one career, would it be a waste to leave it behind? I know it shouldn't be. Besides, writing and film/TV producing is a creative symbiotic affair. It's just that one allows a reclusive lifestyle, the other doesn't.

An artist is never satisfied with his work.

Posted by Zona Marie at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I think too much.

My response,

You think too little.

Posted by Zona Marie at 7:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

And our governing political party is proud of it, there is obviously something very, very amiss.

Cuban Communist Party Impressed With UMNO, BN's Achievements
From Mohd Bakri Darus
HAVANA, June 20 (Bernama) -- The Communist Party of Cuba is impressed with the UMNO-led Barisan Nasional (BN) government in administering the country and uniting its multi-racial population, Umno vice-president Datuk Seri Mohd Ali Rustam said here Wednesday.
"The fact that we could co-exist peacefully and together develop the country is what has particularly impressed the Cuban communist party," he told Malaysian reporters covering his working visit to Cuba. (more)

Communication is a two way street.

Posted by Zona Marie at 10:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I read this article at the BBC news site.

Spoon-feeding babies puréed food is unnatural and unnecessary, a Unicef childcare expert has warned.

I recently had a kid, and one thing my wife took - understandably - as a very hostile gesture was the fact that I never read any of those baby books. And I said, "People have been doing this for thousands of years! Cavemen didn't have What to Expect When You're Expecting!"~Paul Rudd, Knocked Up: Pregnant Pause (2007)

Posted by Zona Marie at 10:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The one with monetary wealth, mountains of books for knowledge, access to education, modern medical care and intellectual discourse; Or one who has family, rice on his plate, the ability to appreciate God's creation and none of what the previous man has?

Religion existed after the creation of man. Technically, it could be said that religion is man-made. Where do the people who lived before the days of Christianity, Islam or Buddhism go after they die? What was the state of the world before "civilization" and organized religion? Has civilization created more good, or evil?

Posted by Zona Marie at 10:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Life has taken a very bad turn for me at the moment. I could never have foreseen so much incoming trouble all at once. *sigh* Then again, most of it is the result of incubating and being unemployed for the last seven months. Serves me right for bad decisions.

It's very easy to say there are no blessings to count at this point. Not even my health. There are too many clouds in the way. I'm completely numb from frustration.

When it rains, it pours.

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Y'know, I'm rather enjoying writing for Suite101. It's a good learning curve for me, not just in honing my writing skills for publishing, but also trying to figure out what's Google-able. I also like finally being able to sit down and hash out all those travel research and experience I've had in the last two years. There's obviously a lot more to come, with my previous recces to areas around West Java while I was working in Jakarta early last year. But just to plug the articles here, out of the five, these two are my faves--

A secret garden teeming with undiscovered wildlife lies in the eastern basin of the Malaysian state of Sabah. An ecologically diverse heartland blessed by the Kinabatangan river is the unprecedented destination for wildlife lovers. A trip down this river is an experience to remember. One that could make you swear off visiting any zoo.
~ read more of Experience Borneo wildlife: In the heart of the Kinabatangan

Life in Jakarta is hectic. With a population of almost 10 million, this sprawling metropolitan abuzz with life, day and night, is known as the Big Durian for many distinct reasons. A term of endearment cast against the infamous foul-smelling durian fruit, Jakarta is a city which you will either love to hate, or hate to love.
~ read more of Jakarta Reviewed: A Taste of the Big Durian

Posted by Zona Marie at 4:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Lee's utterly speechless out of his mind that I've never read Dr Seuss. Something about green eggs and ham must've kept me away.

Seriously, I never heard of Dr Seuss until this last decade. Don't ask me where I've been.

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I think my parents are ashamed of me.
I think they wish I had a regular job like everyone else's kids.
I think I failed to be what they expect of me.
I think I've never made them happy.
I think they disapprove of my marrying Lee.
I think they think I'm taking the hard road.
I think they think I'm stupid for it.
I think they wished I was marrying a Catholic, then life would be "easier".
I think everything I've ever done is worthless.
I think nothing I do will ever please them.
I think they won't ever listen to what I have to say.
I think because they are always right.
I know they still treat me like a child, who cannot make her own decisions.
I think I can never gain their acceptance.

What is the point of going on with life, if your own flesh and blood doesn't accept you for who you are?

Posted by Zona Marie at 6:04 AM | Permalink

Something I've once commented at the Bookaholic's blog.

Could writing be the soul realising itself? And reading be others connecting? Is that how we judge good writing?

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Next to slide.com, here's scrapblog.com, another "powerpoint-like" slide show ^_~

Posted by Zona Marie at 1:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Most weekday afternoons in Sydney were spent getting Ciara home from pre-school. Most days, we'd take the bus home. Her mum told me Ciara loves bus rides. I'm sure it was an adventure for a four year old, just as new to the city as I was.

We'd sit at the bench on Norton St watching the cars and buses go by. Sometimes, she'd be licking on an ice-cream cone. Other times, she'd have a bag of lollies. And every time, while waiting, she'd curiously ask me questions.

Why are the cars stopping? Why do some go that way or that way? Is that our bus? Why aren't we taking that bus?

Continue reading "Through her eyes" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 3:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

In the midst of the whole getting engaged affair and wedding plans, I'm beginning to discover how much obviously Western in upbringing I am. When I had a friend ask me,

What's an engagement? ... Is it a cultural or religious thing?

No wonder no one congratulates me for being engaged. They don't even know what it means.

Posted by Zona Marie at 3:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

For the things that I am ashamed to speak of. For the times I feel too weak to move on. For the times I feel hopeless, dejected. And question God why am I here. There is a reminder. Found inscribed in a book a friend gave me, four years ago.

"Do not follow where the path may lead... Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. That's courage."

Continue reading "The Inscription" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 5:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Lina Joy lost her case today. I am not disappointed. I am proud of her. Some people asks why does she want to be a martyr and fight against our country's laws. If you hadn't realised, she isn't fighting for herself, but for the many who are as oppressed like her.

This following story is taken from Paulo Coelho's book "Like a Flowing River", which I believe is very apt for Lina Joy's case.

Continue reading ""I can't get in"" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 9:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What started out as an email to one of my married girlfriends about the name change legalities in Malaysia (or rather the lack of, as I discovered), became a discussion about holding on to our passport. Actually, it was more about the cross-cultural divide that many of us choose to take without thinking ahead. Far ahead.

This is an issue I've constantly felt close to my heart. And I believe, something I have constantly blogged about. I know that even before leaving for Sydney, Lee and I had already covered many possibilities related to our relationship's future. A lot of issues, which I believe not a lot of people embarking on long term cross-cultural relationships have thought about.

My girlfriend's aunt has lived and been married to a Swiss for over 20 years, and currently has to deal with a teenage son. Her purported anguish in dealing with the cultural differences of bringing up a Western teenage boy among other things, have driven her further into homesickness. With knowing full well that Western upbringing embraces an individualism that forgets the parents in older age, my friend's aunt is very much prepared to come home to her sisters in Malaysia, especially if and when her husband passes on. My girlfriend's advice to me was to retain my Malaysian passport regardless of circumstances, should I want to come back home.

Continue reading "The Hard Road Ahead" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 12:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I guess now's a relatively safe time to speak of the girlish name changing fantasy. You know, those things we used to do as a teenager... Scribble our full names on notebooks, and change our surnames to the guy's whom we'll think we'll marry. Hehe...

The Big Squid pointed out that I'll be Zona Marie Sheppard, and exclaimed

"Ooh, what a movie star name!"

Thing is, I've already decided a long, long time ago that I'd hyphenate my name with my husband's surname. I didn't quite figure out why I preferred it that way. Maybe it's a gender equality thing? Or maybe it's just a compromise so I could still keep the nice ring to my names. Especially if the guy I married didn't have an interesting surname. Hehe. Being a bit more certain of the likelihood of the hyphenated surnames I'd have now, I guess keeping my own surname would also be about retaining my Asian cultural identity. Bad enough I already have non-Asian sounding names. If I went by Zona Marie Sheppard, everyone would be expecting a kwai loh. And neither would I want to look like a wannabe.

Continue reading "The Name Change" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 12:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

If you haven't noticed by now, there's a Suite101 widget on my blog blatantly linking you to more of my writings. As if you haven't had enough, I am a new contributing writer to the site and will be writing professional articles mostly for travel and culture. Although, I do have a couple of ideas for other topics already.

I stumbled onto Suite101 a couple of weeks ago while trying to find some ideas for the wedding. When I found that they were hiring writers, I thought I'd give it a shot. And now, I'm not just writing in this blog lor. So it'd please me if you take a peek once in a while and let me know your comments about the articles.

This is me to heading back to my first passion, and possibly gradually leaving the throngs and uncertainties of life in the film and television world. But who knows?

Posted by Zona Marie at 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This isn't an official notice from Vision Works, nor does this have anything to do with my part as line producer with Sumolah (because my tenure was complete in Sept'06). But for those coming to my blog googling "Sumolah+soundtrack", the producers have not released the soundtrack as yet. What you can check out for the moment are the songs used in the film, from various sites online. Not all are the audio files though.

* C. Loco's Legend of Boo
* C. Loco & Tech Supremo's VVIP (Sumolah Theme)
- Live performance at Sumolah's Gala Premier on YouTube.
* DJ Phuturecybersonique's Tanya

Song's from Pacai's debut album, which you can also find at his website www.pacheye.com
* Hujan
* Sandiwara
* Jangan Dengo

The Sumolah themes can be found at Celcom's Channel X - Music/Tonez section...

I know there's a song sung by Afdlin the man himself in the film. But what's found at Channel X is the Japanese version of "Hari Ini".

I guess just take this as a teaser hey? The best is yet to come. Makes it all the more reason to wait for the soundtrack and head out to buy it. Afdlin never disappoints when it comes to his music, as you guys have seen from his previous OST wins and own music career.

Continue reading "Sumolah themes and songs" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'm taking the unhappy cue from her. Not that her entry made me unhappy. More like I've been feeling wretched since I got back to KL. Yeah, I hear you...

In Sydney feel miserable... Come back to KL also miserable... How lah?

"I told you so"

Continue reading "Miserably blah" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 1:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

*geek mode alert*

Oh.mi.gawd! Joost is awesome!! (I know I'm a bit *slow* but, my sifu sent me an invite this arvo *grins*) Coming from a TV & film background, Joost is awesome!!!!

The program is based on P2PTV technology and is expected to deliver (relaying) near-TV resolution images. It turns a PC into an instant on-demand TV without any need for additional set top box.
~Joost, Wikipedia

(I'm upset Lee didn't show me Joost earlier. He's been a Mac beta tester for a bit already. Even while I was in Sydney! bah.)

Posted by Zona Marie at 8:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

While in Sydney, I was rather clucky. I couldn't help it. Which girl wouldn't ogle at endless numbers of cute blonde, curly haired, blue eyed bubs? And those curly red heads, and strange green, brown, grey eyed variations.

One of Lee's nieces has one blue-grey eye and brown-grey for the other. Why are Caucasians so colourful lah? And the Americans call us coloureds. tsk.

Anyway, I had a four year old Irish-English girl under my care while in Sydney. A neighbours. She was a sweetheart. Very intelligent girl for her age, and quite talkative too. She'd even unhesitatingly talk to older kids. Once, at the park, she made friends with a few older girls about the ages nine or so, and asked them to play with her. I watched amusingly, as instead of playing a game they all knew, she would instruct everyone on what to do and assign them roles. And they'd follow her, in playful obedience.

Continue reading "The wisdom of children" »

Posted by Zona Marie at 11:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I've emailed some friends about going to see Sumolah on Wednesday, 23rd May @ GSC, MidValley's 9.15pm show. So far I have three takers. Anyone here want to come along? *^_^*

Posted by Zona Marie at 9:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you haven't seen, or aren't looking at the new look blog - hit refresh!

I never asked for it. Lee said the blog needed a face lift. So this is the slave master's handiwork.

Brickbats!

Posted by Zona Marie at 8:44 PM