Since coming back to KL, I've gone back to the director's seat. Ordering the crew around, deciding on shots, etc. This project is kacang putih compared to what I've done previously. But the reality is, I'm a bit rusty. I can't believe how time has flown by, my last directing gig was late 2005 and it feels like ages ago.

The other thing is, I've long been nursing thoughts of leaving the industry. I don't feel as passionate about production like I used to. I've let go two big opportunities in the last year, which could have seen me working on projects I've always wanted to do. Things that were more serious and substantial in content, than most of the superficial entertainment programmes I've worked on.

Mute said that we might have reached a stage in our careers where we don't want to produce other people's work or ideas any more; that we're craving to create and produce our own passions. There's probably truth in that. I do want to work on my own documentary. And the time out back in KL might be giving me that chance. Yet, honestly, my passion has always been writing. Not creating films or television shows.

It's hard to weigh the two. I've come so far with one career, would it be a waste to leave it behind? I know it shouldn't be. Besides, writing and film/TV producing is a creative symbiotic affair. It's just that one allows a reclusive lifestyle, the other doesn't.

An artist is never satisfied with his work.