28-yr old nocturnal over@nal geekette Malaysian.
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Reversed culture shock
Having been back a week now, getting used to KL life again has been quite disorienting. The first two obvious shocks were suffering the humidity, and re-encountering the infamous Malaysian driving culture. Although five months isn't exactly a long time, I was beginning to feel Sydney growing on me. I must admit, despite the harrowing first three months, I found myself dreading my impending departure in the final two weeks. It was my autumn of discontent.
Of course, no displacement experience goes without displeasure and realisation of things taken for granted in either places. I had also been warned by varying people that relieving homesickness by "going home" may only further disappoint because it will merely be temporary relief. Given, it is an inescapable mix of emotions, but without regret.
Upon arrival and meeting up friends, I actually began to feel myself a stranger. One friend greeted me with
"Welcome back. I hesitate to say 'home' because you have begun to make Oz your home."Consequently, I noticed other friends doing the same as well. "Welcome back" and not "Welcome home".
I am in that transition of making a new home for myself, and being in it gives me the feeling of estrangement. Somehow, the metaphor of finding my room calendar stuck at November was breathing life through the re-acquaintance of my friends. It didn't feel like I was "catching up" with them. Rather, I felt like I had moved too far forward. Five months away, felt like five years away.
One of my best friend's words that we have "outgrown this city" began to come to light. Days here began to unravel as a reminder of why I wanted to leave KL. The complacent and apathetic attitudes... The settling for second best... The lack of self-motivation or effort... Why do people feel like if life isn't happening for them, they quietly settle and hope their restlessness goes away? I feel disappointed when I hear people not grabbing opportunities because of fear or some other excuse. I know I'll be vilified for saying all this.
Of course lah! You found a kwai loh to marry! You're just in love. You're just lucky. You're brave, I'm not. Too troublesome lah, Malaysia okay what...*sigh* No, I am one of you. And all the realistic excuses you have, I have. I have just learnt over the years to open my eyes to opportunities, weight them and take them; to see the glass as half full. Plus I do have my fair share of frustrations and difficulties, emotionally, financially...
Perceptions are strange. If you write negatively, people envision every thing as bad. If you write positively, cynical responses arise. I can't please everyone, but I do know that-
"Life is a sum of all your choices."And that despite my occasional depression as a result of other people's own issues, I can bounce back and keep living again. So I know this reverse culture shock is merely temporary.
~Albert Camus
Comments
hhmmm....most probably this is one of the reasons why i'm dreading 10th june....part of me wants to stay put but the other half of me cant wait to get back n be with ted. *sigh*
Yvy | May 7, 2007 4:16 PM