28-yr old nocturnal over@nal geekette Malaysian.
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Starting over, yesterday today
I'd been pondering Mirebella's comment ever since I began moving around because of work, the last year.
I agree with most of the sentiments here - student life allows for a lot more exposure and exposure but when you start over, its a diff ballgame altogether. Why I wonder? Does becoming an adult make us a lot more cynical?It does feel like cynicism comes with age. My circle of friends and I seem to be going through the same stage, in our own ways and respective careers. It's become evident that when we've grown into a comfort zone, the harder it is for us to adapt to a new place. It becomes struggle to learn and unlearn what we know, what we're familiar with.
I remember when I broke the news that I was being moved to Jakarta, I felt dread, while my girlfriends thought it was a wonderful opportunity with more adventures and challenges ahead. Half of me felt precisely that. The other half wasn't sure. Although the feeling was pooled by my employer's mismanagement, I was going through a crisis of my own.
Having grown from a nomadic attitude with my career and various cliques of friends, I began to want something more stable. Comfortable. Familiar. I enjoyed the existing friends I had, and the fact that my family and I finally found a home. The thought of starting everything from scratch frightened me. I consoled myself thinking I could remain immersed in work and the opportunities that came with it, so I gave it a shot. But I didn't deal with it very well. The more weeks went by, the more dread grew. I admit that I wasn't optimistic about the whole thing in the first place. That there was a mental blockade. And emotional longing to be somewhere else. By then, it was to be with Lee.
Opposed to the Jakarta move, the Sydney one was obviously optimistic. I juggled with the idea of making it a try-out or a permanent one. It jumped between the two every now and again. I was never really clear with what to call it. All I knew was, I wanted to see his world. His life. His family. His friends. I wanted to know if the person I knew online was the person he is in real life. I also wanted to know if I could live here. I was buoyant. I based how I enjoyed living in Australia on the four short months I lived in Perth. Despite Lee trying to tell me Sydney is vastly different, and another Aussie friend forewarning me,
"Don't let big bad Sydney scare you"I didn't take heed. I thought I would arrive with the same curious, carefree nature I had as a student years earlier. Even if then, I was naively afraid and just as conscious of my Asianness. I had never been outside of South East Asia before then. Australia was my first "Western" experience, and still is. So I thought that coming to Sydney would be a continuation of that experience.
I was wrong in some way. The years in between had made me cynical and set in my ways. I didn't realise that the accumulated work experience and meagre recognition would dull my enthusiasm to "start from the bottom". Similarly with making friends. Although I enjoy meeting new people, exchanging analytical thoughts over culture and diverse experiences, I felt a tinge of tiredness having to prove myself as a friend to someone new. It seemed the same with others who were my peers. Everyone had their own lives to live, relationships... new families, homes. They were just as comfortable in their own circles, as I was before coming here. Most were uninterested in "expanding their social network". The only people I can relate with who are here are those in the same shoes, having moved from another country to Australia. We are brought together by our frustrations, not by the want of an education.
It was clear. The young carefree student days were definitely gone.
Comments
Sydney might have been easier for you if you also lived in a different area. Hurstville is like Chinatown, so there are a lot of people from Hong Kong who have immigrated there.
Perth I find is too laid back. lol I love Sydney, hate Perth ... but, I'm probably stuck in a position that I can't move back there any time soon.
Dabido (Teflon) | March 27, 2007 4:10 PM
dabs, Australia has a problem of immigrants not assimilating into society. if i put myself where all the Asians/Chinese are, wouldn't that be a problem? i want to assimilate, not alienate myself. besides, i cannot speak Chinese. only English and Malay. i don't have a problem with this suburb. Balmain's a nice place. it's grown on me.
midnite lily | March 27, 2007 4:18 PM
I suppose in this aspect, I differ from a lot of people. I first visited Sydney as a tourist and on gut instinct, decided to see if this was truly the home for me (after a week's visit during Easter).
Then, I came as a postgrad student and I worked while I studied for 1.5 years. Met many Ozzies (Asians or otherwise) and people like me ("visitors"). Contrary to what my visitor peers felt, I have always been very much at home in Sydney. I had, it seemed, adjusted VERY WELL...far too well. I couldn't understand why Sydney was big and bad, even till this day.
As far as I knew and have always known, Sydney welcomed me with open arms and I gladly embraced her - both good and bad. It was part of her character, what made her absolutely unique...why I fell in love. There was just chemistry between us.
If ever there was one place I would call home apart from M'sia, it would be Australia.
I supposed I have always known that I would be a semi-nomadic creature. Given time, given opportunities, I would adapt well.
I think Australia doesn't exactly want assimilation. They had that in the 60s and 70s, me thinks...when the Europeans came by the boatload. They want people to still be themselves and Australian. I believe the policy is called multicultralism. It's still in the works though. ^.^
Mei | March 27, 2007 11:30 PM
yeah, everyone will experience things differently.
re: multiculturalism. I don't know. far be it for me to say, maybe they're going through it indecisively. they want the immigrants to assimilate in some ways, because i've heard talk radio shows & debates where they think they should come to Australia and be able to speak English and not congregate in their own enclaves. on the other hand, they embrace that they have so much cultures here. maybe they're looking for a middle ground? so does Australia want their plural cultures or assimilation?
midnite lily | March 28, 2007 11:45 AM
They all speak English in Hurstville. lol
I was just suggesting it as an easier way to assimilate in ... because you'd still be working in the CBD or something with a mix of people.
And after all, I lived in Hurstville, and I don't pass as Asian.
Dabido (Teflon) | March 28, 2007 9:00 PM