I've been where you are,and yes, it is hard. It still is hard after more than a year being here - I still get stares and sweeping comments that its amazing how well I speak english and oh, do I have fish and chips in Malaysia.

Alot of the times, I just grin and bear with it (cause its mostly bacon's friends), but i do lash out occasionally. It is hard, and if given a choice, I would be so tempted to move back to KL, amidst all the infighting political turmoil.

I think the hardest was to start over career wise.Once you have achieved something in your career, it is hard to accept going back to the very beginning and start all over again. I did, and I'm still reeling from being treated like a naively immature fresh graduate.The fact that my english is miles better than theirs doesn't ever since to cross their mind, and I still have that cross to bear that I don't speak english well due to how i look like.

good luck and be happy ;)

I'm sure if Lee had gone over to Malaysia, he wouldn't have any problems at all fitting in. He would have been immediately treated like a local and been given a job and the respect his skills and experience deserved. If only Australia could be more like Malaysia, everyone could all just get along.

Stupid Australia.

We suck.

...and our food is terrible.

I would like to apologise unreservedly on every Australian citizen's behalf.

Sorry.

'I'm being self-conscious of my Asianess.'

In Sydney? Wow! My boss had the opposite reaction. He was a little freaked out because he'd never seen so many Asians in one place! lol [I don't think he's been out of Perth much].

But, if you want good Asian food, then Chinatown is good for that. Ask around for the best restaurants [I've been to a few in the side streets that my asian friends said were good.]

But, I think the self consciousness is inside your head. [Much like my boss freaking out a little as he was self conscious he was a European], where as I really didn't notice any one in particular who stood out. lol They were all people! :-)

Funny how you both had similar reactions but for opposite reasons.

But, in all my time in Sydney, I never noticed anyone amongst my personal friends not being accepted for their race. Yes, Sydney is slightly impersonal and everything [like any big city - the residence will look straight through you], and everyone has their own agendas and everything, but when you get to know people there, they're very accepting. The problem is they're all very busy.

I think selfish is the wrong word for it. People are just self occupied (but will often help if you know them). They work hard, they play hard and it isn't that they're not approachable, they just don't have much time due to the long hours of work etc.

Okay, I admit I had the occassional idiot [like a guy who kept elbowing me on the train in peak hour to try to make me move] and other things, but idiots like that are everywhere.

I think the main problem is breaking into a clique group, but once in you'll feel accepted.

Why does everyone around me say that about Sydney but I never get treated like that when I'm in Sydney? (I don't know if this is a good thing or what....so borderline jealous man.)

People smile at me ALL the time (it's scary sometimes) and they never fail to say "G'day" or "How are you?" or "Thank you".

I remember feeling how Asian Sydney was when I was there or whenever I make a trip down from Epping to the city.

BAH!

mei: i felt the same abt Perth actually. while my friends faced racism and isolation, i didn't. maybe present circumstances is just different right now.

sourrain: what is worth more right now? having to live through the endless stereotype and being with someone u love, or going home?

dont think sydney can be any worse than helsinki....

being alone without a regular bunch of friends tend to make you more self-aware and hypersensitive on the racism issue.Saying that, it is not mostly meant to hurt - people are more ignorant than anything else.

My palm lines tells me that I will sacrifice my career for love..just found that out yesterday. How true.

Being with someone you love is very important (well, to me).You need to make a comparision of what makes you happier.I have gotten used to it, and just embrace the other 'good parts' about kwai lou land.Besides, knowing that I am better exposed, speak better english, better travelled ect puts me in quite a happy position where I just treat them like flies buzzing irritatingly..

I did a trilogy on racism when I was feeling smugly superior:

http://www.sourrain.com/2006/09/18/superiority-complex/

http://www.sourrain.com/2006/09/20/whose-fault-is-it/

http://www.sourrain.com/2006/09/22/i-heart-stepfamily/

sourrain: i appreciate your help. this is what i like abt blogs & finding ppl whom we can relate with. i'll read ur entries.

ront: uhuh... uve mentioned it.. =P

dabido: it is in my head. hence why i said it's my overly self-consciousness & i need to deal with it. i agree with you tho, cos i was in Perth, and there were more Asians there... & unfortunately most my friends were Asians - Bruneian, Indian Fijian, Indonesians & Singaporean. here, it's a complete opposite experience for me. i'm among lee's friends and family, and i obviously stand out for my race. but it isn't because of it that i feel people aren't accommodating tho. its more cultural. compared to back home where we'd (or i, at least) would go out of our way to talk to a stranger in a party etc, (& i've even offered to take visitors around or recommend places to go etc) people here are more self-preoccupied. i've only met a small minority who even bother taking time out to talk to me. & becos of one experience (previously blogged) i think they don't bother because of the assumption that 1) i'm proly incomprehensible/bad english 2) i won't be in Oz for long/just visiting.

as for the "people here are selfish" comment, as i said it's coming from an Indonesian who've lived here 25 years. there is an obvious cultural difference between the Asian accommodating culture and the Western individualism - which you chose to describe as being "self occupied"... to us, it's the same thing. i'm sure you've seen the difference while having worked/lived in an Asian country before no? i may be wrong tho.

i'm sorry, Jon, but your comment is a bit hard to swallow. right now it feels sarcastic. i'm not sure know how else to take it.

No need to apologise, Zona, my comment was indeed meant to be sarcastic. This is a fairly typical example of the Australian trait of "taking the piss". It's a relatively polite way for Australians to say they think somebody is talking a lot of bulldust.

Leaping out of your comfort zone to follow your heart is indeed impressive, but having done that, it's hardly surprising that you're now feeling a bit uncomfortable. It's also slightly naive and dare I say a little culturally insensitive to blame Sydney for not being exactly like home.

If you're "conscious of your Asianness" in Sydney, then that probably says more about you than it does about Sydney. Perhaps you've been hanging out with the local chapter of the Koo Klux Klan for the past few months, but nobody I know in Sydney would be silly enough to make assumptions about a person based on their looking Asian.

You say yourself that you are an self-conscious and introverted type of person, and that's fine, but it hardly puts you in the box seat for quickly getting to know the locals. Sydney is a pretty big city and like all big cities becomes relatively impersonal. I come from Hobart which is a relatively small town where people would show a stranger around etc.

On the work front, there are a lot of extremely experienced film makers in Sydney who spend a lot of their time either unemployed or waiting tables. It's the nature of any creative industry that you have to build a network over time and even then the work is sporadic.

Sorry if I'm coming across as a bit mean, but, to come over all ocker instead, I don't believe you've given Sydney anywhere near a fair go. All your complaints could apply to any person going to live in any foreign city you choose to name. I'm really not sure what you expected.

You and Lee are still invited to my barbecue on the weekend. I can't guarantee the food will be up to international standards, but there will be a 100% lack of racists in attendance.

Jon, with all due respect to Lee, i've replied you via email.

Dear Jon

From my experience of living in big cities such as Madrid, New York, London, Paris, Beijing, Tashkent and Baghdad, not all big cities are impersonal.

Madrid by far have the friendliest people; they would literally hold you by the hand and bring you to a place where 5 minutes ago, you were asking for directions to.

New York has 2 types of people: people who have no time to look behind when they've knocked your shoulders accidentally and the others just sit down and watch the rest go by.

In Paris, they won't acknowledge you if you speak English to them first.

As you can see, it's quite easy to generalise how people are like in these big cities despite the fact that there many kinds of people.

It's always about the first impressions you get from meeting the first citizens of the city.

With Zona, the first people that can make an impression on her are Lee's friends.

These are her supposedly to be support group. Try to make her feel at home, socialise, sports etc.

Having to face so many difficulties with Lee's friends brings to mind that Lee's friends might have problems with Lee going out with Zona in the first place.

It could be racial, or it could be some other ingrained superiority complex.

And Lee's friends' probable lack of unconditional acceptance of Zona, for whatever reason, has extended to the feeling that Sydney does not accept Zona for what she really is because everyone is still trying to accept her as Lee's new love in life.

Dear Ront, I'm not saying it isn't easy to generalise about cities, I'm just saying it's shallow and rather pointless. If you want the two dimensional Disney version of a city, a two line assessment may be of some use. If however, you plan to live there long-term, stereotyping the inhabitants will lead to the inhabitants feeling a little put out as (to generalise a bit) I suspect that people everywhere quite like to be treated as individuals.

Certainly visiting a city and then moaning about it in a public forum would be considered rude in Sydney and not a good way to endear oneself to the locals. Perhaps it's considered the height of politeness in Malaysia. I doubt it as I'm sure there is a similar proportion of moaners in Malaysia as there is in Sydney, but as I haven't read the two-line synopsis that covers every single aspect of Malaysian behaviour I wouldn't presume to judge.

I met Zona in person once in Sydney and she seemed quite nice if a little shy, though I won't make any deeper assessment without getting to know her better, and I won't be posting it publicly on the internet!

Perhaps being prepared to give a little bit of acceptance out rather than making snap judgements about people might result in getting a little bit of acceptance back. I've found that my experience of a place tends to be more about me than external factors, but I prefer to take responsibility for my life rather than blame all my problems on other people. Just a thought.

i don't think you've addressed the correct person, Jon. based on your comments, i also don't think you understand what i've written in this entry either (or more accurately, not understood the concept of a personal blog - public or not). i don't feel it any different what i wrote compared to newspaper/mag journalists who write their experiences and observations about a city. again, i reiterate, i came here with open acceptance and am still trying (and will when i return next year after i've applied for a PR). also, if your lack of acceptance of me is result of your friendship with Lee and his past, i would suggest you not take my blog entries personally as you have. i think i've said similarly in my email and i remain firm with my opinions. and while you still think i'm being a rude Sydney city "guest", i also think you were a rude Sydney "host".

btw, how was the move back to Hobart?

Jon, it's Sharizal and not Ront.

I guess you're entitled your opinions and in this case I am defending Zona for hers.

Especially on her blog.

You see in the internet it's not quite a public forum.

This website is her piece of real estate on the virtual world and she is entitled to any form of dissemination of opinion here.

It's not about the height of politeness in Malaysia to voice out opinions.

It's free speech.

Quite right, Zona, should have addressed it to Sharzai Shaarani. My apologies to Ront.

I really don't want this to get any sillier than it already is. I have no issue with you personally, however I do object to your insulting and unfair public comments on this blog about Sydney, its inhabitants, Lee's friends and by extension my wife and I. If you're not willing to take responsibility for the things you say, don't say them publicly.

I also object to your blaming me and some other friend of Lee's for your decision to return home, which on face value is spectacularly melodramatic, though I'm sure it has more to do with an expired tourist visa and you also tell me you're planning to come back.

If you want people to like and accept you, try liking and accepting them. Or not. Perhaps whingeing about them on your blog will make you lots of friends.

The move to Hobart has been great, thanks for asking. We've had a few hiccups, but they've been overcome by a combination of goodwill and taking responsibility for our own circumstances.

I do wish you well with your relationship with Lee and hope you manage to apply a little bit of the patience and understanding to Australia that you wish to be applied to yourself.

can i claim royalty for each time my name mentioned?

muahahaha....

again Jon, i think you completely misunderstood the concept of this blog. really, if what i write bothers you so much, you should just stop reading. i do take responsibility for what i write. why are you accusing me of being childishly ignorant of what i write? if i didn't take responsibility, even in part being your friend's gf, i wouldn't be doing what i am doing. this whole incident is merely the result of misunderstandings.

Yes, Lord Ront, you are now the Earl of Sydney.

Zona, I'm sure all this is just a misunderstanding and not your fault even in the slightest. I'm certain you'll soon make heaps and heaps of new friends in Sydney.

ape la mamat jon ni... nak menang je. sah mat salleh sacarstic tak reti bahasa ingat die terrer.

pegi mampos la weiiii!!! pegi bunoh satu ke dua org asli australia.

pegi tutoh kangaroo ke... ishh