28-yr old nocturnal over@nal geekette Malaysian.
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Fatherly advice before leaving
Three more days. I'm done with the unpacking, sorted the things I want to bring over, tomorrow it'll be time for the packing. I can't believe my bro has already asked my dad for my room! A lot of my stuff will still be here. So he'll just have to share my bed with Toffee. Nyek.
Dinner on Saturday night for mum's birthday (yes, both my parents are scorpios) was another one of few adult moments I've begun to share with my parents. You know you've grown up when the topics and way you talk with your parents have changed. Dad felt he had to impart a couple of fatherly words of advice to me before I go. And the word that stuck to me after getting it all jumbled into my short-attention span memory, was "desperate".
The idea of going to Sydney hasn't been one I'd been completely detailed about with my parents. There are just some things I tried to tell them, and others, I would merely skirt them with facts. It was more about being honest without revealing too much. Mostly because I'm not sure of certain things myself.
But my dad and I have a relationship which extends beyond the things we speak about. I know that I can't hide anything from him. Yet, out of respect and fear for him, there are only a few things (in this matter) I can talk to him about directly. In the matter of Lee, he is aware that Lee is one of my reasons for going. That I want to know where this relationship could go.
When dad said "Don't be desperate", he proceeded to tell me that (despite mum's egging on) I shouldn't feel any need to stay on if I can't find a job there or if things didn't feel right. He knew that I was the type who relied on divine intervention and that my whole life is testament to my reliance on God. I just needed to be reminded of that once in a while. He assured me that they would both be praying for me, and hopes that I will be able to make a conscious decision when the time comes.
Dad reminded me that it was my life that mattered right now, and I shouldn't feel desperate to make a decision that would affect the rest of my life. It didn't matter even if I had to come back empty handed and the family would need to struggle for it. It was the lesser evil to living a lifelong regret.
While the tone of his words resonated warmly into my heart and mind, at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder if he was basing this element of desperation on what happened when he and mum met and married.
Comments
That was a lot better advice than my dad gave me when I was leaving for uni.
After much pausing and skirting round bushes...it boiled down to pretty much -
if you must have sex, make sure it's safe.
Yikes.
On another note. Lifelong regret. It seems like many of their generation, and the one before, fall into that. It think it comes from the perception that one has very limited, if any, choices.
Which is what makes our generation different...we do have choices. And we're mobile. So nothing is ever "the be all and end all".
Find your happiness!
spot | November 20, 2006 11:44 AM
reminds me of the parable of the prodigal son where the dad allows the son to choose his own path but was just as ready to welcome him back with open arms at the end of it.
anyway, here's to your new adventure and may it lead to many new wonderful beginnings. take care yah!
benauhc | November 20, 2006 11:55 AM
spot i think with more choices, we're likely to make more mistakes?
with my last line, i was just recalling my dad telling me before that if he had to choose not to marry a foreigner, he wouldn't. it hurt me a little, but i understood the pain and struggle he meant trying to reconcile their cultural and language differences.
yeah, does sound like that eh? didn't see it that way. nice. tks ben! *^_^*
midnite lily | November 20, 2006 1:34 PM
Eerily echoing parting words from my parents before I left for UK - even though the wedding was already in plans when I moved over. They asked me so many times if I was sure and don't rush into things that I even started to doubt myself! I got the lifelong regret thing as well:).
At the end of the day, they will still be our parents and which parents wants their daughters to make a mistake that would follow them for the rest of their lives.
Re: not marrying a foreigner,don't put too much thought into that. I got the same line,but saying that, my parents gets along famously with the husband. It's just cultural issues are sometimes more embedded in a person than we choose to see.And obviously having a beloved daughter move miles away to a diff continent is never easy - it's always easier to marry someone from 'the same 'hood'.
At the end of it,it's choices that we 'dare' to make that shapes our lives.Good luck:)
sourrain | November 20, 2006 7:22 PM
Best of luck...
Michael | November 20, 2006 9:15 PM
Might not be online for a few days. Have a fun trip and all in all enjoy yourself. Things will happen if you prod them enough ;) I love how the picture reflects the post. Hope to hear from you again, once you're there.
BawangMerah | November 20, 2006 10:06 PM
sourrain, my mum is filipina. my comment to spot "re: not marrying a foreigner" was taking into account my dad's own personal experience of marrying my mum, in his advice. not mine. however, its from observing my mum & dad that i'm prepared to deal with the cultural differences in the aspect of the relationship that Lee and I have already talked about. i think its good to be prepared rather than diving in without that realisation. which my dad and mum didn't have the chance to.
i don't take his advice from a negative standpoint at all. it's a nice heartwarming one which only a parent can give. isn't it? ^_^
hey, you're audrey's friend yah? hope you're settling in well in your new abode! *^_^* thanks for your well wishes!
tks michael!
tks redOnion! will definitely keep blogging for sure! ^_~
midnite lily | November 20, 2006 10:28 PM
Hey Zona,
Please do take care and all the Best in your trip.
Love always,
Donald and Lucy
donaldghtan | November 21, 2006 12:54 AM
I think it's sweet of your father to sit down with you and explore things from a person who has done it before.
My dad finds it hard to let me go and he still tells me that I don't have to do whatever it is that I plan to do - namely pack up and go. Ocassionally, he goes "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Mum's at least more...relaxed about the whole thing.
I'm sure when the time comes, I'm going to get exactly what Sourrain got. :P
Parents - they love to tell people that if they don't see you doing whatever it is you're doing, they won't care but we all know the real deal: they'll never stop caring.
Good luck and keep on blogging k? (It's another way to keep in touch!)
Mei | November 21, 2006 11:39 AM
Bon voyage... take care!
Peter Tan | November 21, 2006 2:34 PM
tks uncle Donald!
mei, yeah. i felt so fuzzy thinking abt it while writing this entry, i was almost tearing =( will definitely keep blogging! don't think Lee would let me stop anyhoo =P
thanks Peter!
midnite lily | November 22, 2006 12:04 AM