Where where where have they gone ?

Maybe they have emigrated.

Yours truly thinking of doing that too, maybe to China, or Taiwan, where there're so many chicks to choose from.

agree. but dont bother too much on picking your best male out there. Most important thing is live yr live fullest.

interesting article...reminds of an article in The Star mentioning women over 30 with better education level..has to contend with marrying men younger, who are finanically unstable and with less education.

Apart from the financial, I think that you have to be mentally on par with your partner...otherwise, it's pretty hard to discuss stuff. I mean things that are intellectually exciting to you.

By the way..nice blog.

shadowfox: oh, ure one of those - fucks-only guys.

jack: ^_~ good advice. but i didn't need to. he found me *^_^*

steven: yup, i remember that article. mentally on par is a must in my list. tks for visiting!

Ahh, the important question is, are these good intelligent guys looking for equally independent intelligent girls, or damsels in distress that make them look like knights in shining armour?

A looking for B, but B looking for C. Memang tak boleh solve la the equation :P

men are like parking lots, the good ones are always taken

Being muslim shouldn't be a problem. It does cut out a lot of guys who are decent but not overly concerned about religion (unless religion is your concern then that voids what I'm saying).

Many a times it's just unfair when a conversation turns out to go something like this for me.

Girl: You're a nice guy, we should see each other more.
Me: I'm Muslim on paper.
Girl: Errrmm...maybe we shouldn't see each other that much.

So sad that's life. :)

edrei: well, when u live in a country which enforces religious laws like it does, it is a big issue among non-muslims. u speak of unfairness, but what about for us? i'll never convert for namesake, because there's no turning back.

by gawd, the RedOnion has got me stumped! true. it's sad that men trades down, while women trades up. hard to meet in the middle.

suan, u can build ur own parking lot =P

Look at the problem another way, instead of asking about the constraints of a problem, why not redefine the problem? Instead of saying you want a guy, why don't ask if what is it you want is a relationship or relationships? The answer may be just as the guys you meet that you are ALSO a victim of convention and personal demands. The reason you consider being a SPG is because you are a victim like everyone else. If you understand that than you begin to be part of the solution and more importantly your own solution. Personal choices are the hardest thing to make and yet we spent really very little time and resources making them and yet demand most from them.

if marriage was so "easy", then the juice wouldn't be worth the squeeze.

give a little effort. sometimes, they're closer than you think they are.

"guys who fell too comfortably under the pathetic Malaysian education system school of thought" - so... guys from local public universities are out then? It is after all the holy grail of the msian education system. -sobs-

Sacrifices come both ways as well. Not all muslims want to see the ones they care for have to make that choice, not if they want them to live free. There are a lot of us who will do whatever it takes, thats why it's sad that it gets stereotyped that badly.

edrei: my religion will never be sacrificed, and my ex knew that. the one thing i would never compromise. btw, this issue is NOT a stereotype. i think u're seeing it in rose-tinted glasses.

sewjin: i was thinking of the primary & sec. i don't know abt local Unis tho.. but seeing as to how its slipping from the top 200.. =P nolah, its the individual n how he/she's come far frm the local system to improve him/herself.

bigjoe: i agree with you on all counts. i never ask myself what i can get out of a relationship, instead what can i contribute to it. i know what i want, and i didn't find it before (i've found it now, and i'm happy!). i'm just wondering how come my girlfriends can't. is it really that difficult?

buttshaker: ^_~ marriage is nvr easy, and shudn't come that easy. but topic here is getting into a relationship - not marriage. but i agree, answers are right under ur nose most the time!

i'm amused at the response i'm getting. those of you new to my blog won't know that i've found someone and this entry isn't about me today. but i appreciate all comments! ^_^

"i don't know abt local Unis tho.."

OI! I'M from a local uni! :D:D

anyway, I seem to be hearing a lot of the same complaints from most of my female friends these days. Malaysian guys punya standard really drop THAT low huh? Sad lar. Menyiasuikan sahaja. teehee

menyiasuikan? eh? malay-chinese word ka? but really, don't u think most Malaysian guys have NO standards any more? they get sex so easily and find no need to commit. then there's those who get scared or intimidated by women they cannot talk with cos they're not in the same intellectual level... =(

i mean no insult to local grads. =P

What? Actually I find it the opposite.

I think the standards of women in Malaysia have dropped so much so that not many are worth spending your life time with, so might as well just have fun while you still can.

There is a difference being a true intellectual women using her intellect for the right purposes, compared to a pretender or intellectual wanker who thinks she's truly intellectual when she's not. *LOL*

funny you should say that. now, doesn't it look like everyone's pretending to be somebody they're not?

instead of holding firm to your principles and ideals, everyone ends up compromising. saying that "since i can't find anyone worth spending my lifetime with, i'll just have fun." reminds me of a catch-22 - how do u expect to marry a virgin when you fuck every skirt in town. =P

remember tho, women become guilty & vulnerable easily. if they think they need to say yes to sleep with a man to get him to marry her, they will. pathetic & sad. chicken n egg lah now.

btw, moving to china etc with that mentality means u'll nvr find a girl worth marrying.

What? Virgin ? Wtf, hahaha still got people mind if the girl they're marrying is a virgin or not meh ? Ceh, such old fashioned thinking.

I never judge a girl being unworthy just because she's not a virgin but I definitely won't waste my time with a stuck up girl who wouldn't do any hanky pankies before marriage. Too conservative also not good.

As for having fun, always remember this, it takes 2 to tango. You don't need to break a girl's heart to have fun. Many girls nowadays are willing to shove their pussy in your face if you have what they want, ala $$$$$$$.

Never ever assume it's us men who're the ones going down in quality. Women are equally guilty of polluting their own moral pots and culture.

As for China, come on please lah, out of 2 billion population there there's bound to be someone for everyone.

Frankly speaking, if a man wants to seek out a spouse in Malaysia, he should avoid city women. Go for those women who were raised in humble communities outside of debauched influences such as those found in cities like KL.

i like ur logic. even if i don't agree.
i didn't say find a virgin, i just used that phrase as example of the double standard expectations ppl put on others.

yes, it takes two to tango. but it doesn't take much to say "No, I respect you. I don't want to treat you like an object."
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (Matthew 7:12)

If a woman does not respect herself, she should not expect others to accord her that respect as well. (Unless of course if she is a mental case lah, she doesn't really know what she wants)

If you're single, available, no obligations to anyone, and she throws herself at you, assuming she's not a walking hunk of lardy flabby pork chop, then CHIAK her, don't waste.

Otherwise, please register yourself in the 'I am a SorHai' list. *LOL*

You have just proved yourself as the kind of man I've described. Thanks.

And there's nothing wrong with being that kind of 'man' lah.

Just because a guy enjoys sex it doesn't necessarily mean he will be unfaithful or will cheat mah.

If a girl throws herself at you, and you are not seeing anyone at that time, MAKAN lah aiyoh (must have chemistry lah). If you have a gf or married of course you cannot do that.

What is wrong with a single man enjoying his singlehood and the need to satisfy his throbbing cock ? He's not hurting anyone and he doesn't need to answer to anyone but himself.

If you think men like me are bad, just wait till you meet those who fucks other women behind your back or keep mistresses, especially the loaded ones.

I think you better not get married at all ever lah. *LOL*

Staunchly religious type of women sure to be very inflexible and sure will be very picky about the husband's sexual needs.

No oral sex lah, no doggy style lah, no 69 lah, no blowjobs lah... Demn sian one you know if always missionary only... *sigh*

Making love in kitchen or car also sure to be a no-no for these religious women. Come on lah, open up your mind a bit. As long as the guy's not cheating on you, why you wanna mind his past and all that ?

i like how you've assumed things about me. fascinating. i don't think u're worth my time proving myself to you.

thanks for commenting, but you're not welcomed here anymore. fuck off.

I see you had the pleasure of meeting one of the not-so-wonderful M'sian men. XD

Well, I'll admit that I went through the exact same thing - "where are all the good, intelligent, secure men?" - and you know something? It's not women who think the same way. My dad tells me ALL THE TIME that a lot of young men today are "phan chats" or useless so to speak. They have no chilvary, no tact, no respect for women (and I don't mean the "yeah I respect her but she has to be my trophy, whore, etc" type of mentality) and lastly, no desire to be more than what they are. Instead, they somehow strive to be average...and oh-so-rude and undesirable.

There are a lot of good M'sian men out there - it all depends on whether they fit the bill for you and whether you're actively hunting.

I don't mean to compare but when most M'sian guys you know just can't hold a candle to men of other races, you can't help but wonder if it's a national thing or what.

heheh.. unfortunately, he seemed to like the attention here.

i don't like brushing off the whole race of Malaysian men, it's just so sad. i have a brother, so it'd be ridiculous to say he's one of them. plus, some of my exes were decent awesome guys. they just weren't up to par to my mentality and they felt small beside me.

i did say,
But really, for the sake of my fellow girlfriends' sanity... Where have all the decently principled and moral non-Muslim Malaysian men gone?
principled and moral being keyword.

you can't help but wonder if it's a national thing or what.
i have my theories ^_~ some reflect back on culture and upbringing. and the lack thereof.

Yeah...I know what you mean about those precious few good ones. (My bro is hardly like that too!) Anyway, in my case, the good ones are almost always never single or the chemistry isn't there, y'know. Oh blah. =.=

^_^ don't mope. u're in a good one now. plus we'll teach our sons better.

I find it unbelievable that with the technology and information at your fingertip, the conversation I see here. Blame on the education, the parenting, the upbringing, cultural norm etc is just pathetically conventional and uncritical. Its the same as saying poor people are lazy.

The truth is such problem are from many forces. The reason why people ask questions about them is because there is no simple solution. The best that can come of it is an idea or ideas for the issues.

For most girls, ask yourself first, if you are not lucky, what are you willing to invest to change that luck? Its no different say if you are unhappy with your job.

Here is a story I like to share. I know this guy in a neigbouring country where most people are very poor. He was a geek, short, unatheletic and did not date much in school. His choice was very limited because the limited number of middle to upper glass girls to choose from was limited in his society. Immediately out of school he started his own business with his own savings. At the same time he systematically went out to date as many women as he could. He was an incredible dating machine. He had no hesitation to ask anyone to introduce someone if he had any interest at all. If he saw someone that peaked his interest, he just walked up to her and introduced himself. He was also very frank with the girls about his dating pattern which was ultimately to find a life partner both personal and business. He dated plain simple homely girls to models, actresses etc. This guy had at least one date every week for 3 years.

Ultimately he married a sweet Harvard graduate who not could cook but eventually also the CFO of his companies.

Lesson: Its all about being focus. Know what you can do and execute, execute, execute. Its no different than your job.

Bigjoe: Of course there are many other factors involved in meeting THE person - timing, chemistry, competition, etc.

However, Asian society is rarely forgiving of women are behave out of the norm - the whole "women who are prolific daters are sluts"?

I mean I don't speak for myself - just looking at things in general. I found my partner through a friend...and honestly, that's how I feel you get the good ones sometimes.

But hey, if you're still a dating machine - so to speak - and everyone you dated just doesn't fit your bill, then I don't see a reason as to why you shouldn't move your dating pool to somewhere else and NOT be condemned for it.

they got replaced by the left overs, people like shadowfox.

I'd say alot of the reason is demand and supply. Malaysian men educated elsewhere have alot of choice in partners, so there is no need to compromise. The definition of compromising will, of course, vary for different men depending on what he really wants in a partner, but I would venture that alot of the "intellectual" men feel that what is in their best interests would often be better served by not committing to a girl, but rather, to enjoy his singledom. As there are many women who would want to take him up on this offer, there is no need to compromise on his own needs to get what he wants, whatever those needs may be.

I would think that men's needs, no matter how unpalatable to women they may be, are no less valid that your own.

BigJoe: I don't understand what you're referring to as--
I find it unbelievable that with the technology and information at your fingertip, the conversation I see here.
What has technology to do with the conversation at hand, other than allowed me to express my feelings about a topic and gain an audience who can exchange an opinion, such as you? Am I the one being narrowminded? Or are the ones attacking me for having an opinion about something? I'd rather embrace the diversity of opinions here than attack a person below the belt.

Given every single individual has varying needs in a relationship. The fact is, no one generalisation can fulfill those needs. I accept your example and see where you're coming from and I have no problems with that. But if you realise, your example also showed that people trade up when they improve themselves. And I'm very sure there are Malaysian men like that.

But to compare a love relationship to a job, I don't agree. Your job will never love you back.

Soon: Simple economics. Yup, I see your point. And the women can do the same to enjoy their singledom as well. But both gender's definition of "enjoying singledom" is a contrast acknowledge from both gender's needs.

But I won't go as far to say it's unpalatable. It's merely to some, more a matter of timing and respect for each other.

I do not agree that men who wish to have this type of relationship necessarily have any less respect for women. They have certain desires and merely seek out those who are compatible with these desires. A person looking for a tennis partner to have regular saturday games in no way lacks respect for this tennis partner. In the same way, a man looking for simple no-strings-attached fun respects the partner no less. They are fulfilling each other's needs. A difference only arises under the paradigm that sex is a sacred act. This is a totally debatable idea, and many people do not subscribe to this, with not inconsiderable reason.

And yes, I agree with your comment that women are equally entitled to enjoy their singledom as well, although im not sure if I am interpreting your "contrast acknowledge from both gender's needs" comment correctly.

As for those whom you say are threatened by intelligent women, I think alot of men who appear to be missing from the market have a liking for "damsel-in-distress" type girls. Stronger women may not appeal to these men in the same way as they do not arouse men's feelings in the same way. I do not consider this to be an outworking of a man's inferiority complex when confronted by intellectually superior women, but rather, it is because these damsel types appeal to a man's primordial protective instincts. Women who behave in this way are no less intelligent than those who do not; it could even be argued that they are more adaptable in some ways. In the same way that women like yourself find intelligent men a turn on, some men, including highly intelligent men may find certain feminine traits more of a turn on than an intelligent woman.

could the definitions of "respect" here be different? it's starting to look like it. different moral standards?

sorry, past tense - "...contrast acknowledged from both gender's needs" meant that we all know men and women's needs obviously differ. Men = sex; women = emotional. but of course, the reverse can happen too.

i agree with your damsel theory who "appeal to a man's primordial protective instincts". i myself believe that a man should feel needed, and a woman needs to be subordinate to a degree. because that's what christianity teaches. of course, how you interpret degrees of subordination depends on the heirachy of intelligence or emotional needs on both the man and woman's part. everything's subjective to the two individuals and it's wrong to generalise. hence the entry here is merely my own experience shared.

yes, the question of intelligence here has no marker of definition either. i didn't mention an IQ scale. if i did all that, i'd be writing a sociological thesis on our Malaysian men and women. and because i'd been so vague, i'm quite surprise i hit a nerve.

anyway, it could just be that girls like me are a minority who needs a different (albeit higher?) kind of stimulation. intellectualism, or the ability to debate or philosophize, or just plain creativity can be a turn on. and it can happen for a man too. even ambition (if the guy hasn't achieved his goals) can be a turn on. maybe the question is, are some settling for mediocrity? i don't criticise those who settle because choices are beyond their means. besides, it might even mean it's a humbling process for a more intelligent woman to go out with someone less, but has potential. it really depends lah, hor?

wah.....what happened here?? i was gone for 2 days and came back to all these debate....made my monday morning damn busy reading all these lah.....

so had to put something on the comment box here.....one thing that puzzles me...how did the whole debate evolved into sex? maybe should re-read the whole entry again and try see it from a different perspective.

hahaha.. how it evolved into sex? go figure. i think the picture in my entry should explain it already =P

This is unfair.

Paul dear, you're going to have to be a bit more assertive to explain what is unfair.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there aren't any decent Malaysian guys around."

they still exist. 'tak jantan hilang di dunia.'

:)