Looking back now, I discovered that one of the main causes of my depression was my relationships. I never allowed myself closure from all the back-to-back relationships and accumulated guilt from the compromising of values and personal needs. I took "rebounds" for granted, and I suffered in quiet supression. I knew that was a bad downward spiral of effects, even affecting my partners adversely. But I couldn't snap out of it. I was addicted to being in the loving company of someone. I loved being doted on, and indulged in the companionship. Although never in completeness.

But after my last relationship, I forced myself into a period of redemption. Consciously analysing what I did wrong, what I didn't do, what I should've done in my past relationships. I also rediscovered myself as a person - what I liked about being in a relationship... what I didn't want in it if I got married.. how I should behave... how I should contribute as one half a partner... what kind of person I'd compromise for... what values I would or wouldn't compromise with... These are just a few things I reflected on and it rejuvenated me. It helped me reinforce my value system and principles.

With it, I grew happier and allowed myself the space for acceptance. Throughout, I kept my blog as therapy. It kept me sane while sharing all that I was going through. It gave me friends, it gave me affirmations and people who could relate. But most of all, it gave me Lee.