Yes, even the most seemingly independant, go-getter of a woman has her weaknesses. And I have to admit, my emotionally high maintenance isn't easy to bear with. Plus I've found this upsidedown LDR to be a harder challenge to get my attention-seeking messages across.

This time around it was more futile. And I felt increasingly pathetic with myself. It was a tug of war going on in my head. One accusing the other of being selfishly needy at a time when he was incapacitated, the other nonchalantly trying to justify having my needs fulfilled, if not then what is a relationship?

The mental war aside, it was obvious that I was vulnerable. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone on the offensive, particularly testosterone-clad homosapiens. And other than having my good sense and instincts beside me, I might as well be dismissed as a dummy for company. Of course, this wasn't an opportunity to be missed by some, and I ended up getting messed up in the head with comments and questions like -

If its causing you so much pain, just break up and go out with the next white guy. ...Do you really love him, or is just your biological clock?

You'd think by now I'd be used to all the comments about my "drastic move" to Sydney. No. As much as I am certain I want to be with him, not a day goes by that I don't question myself. I just don't appreciate them coming from people with ulterior motives, or proclaimed self-relections of their own experiences in this situation. I'm sorry but, hello, I am not you; you are not him. The circumstance may be similar, but as far as philosophical equations go, they do not equate.

Regardless, I'm not going to get hostile. Its questions like those, taken out of testosterone context that I wallow in for the sake of a reality check. If it withstands the fire, I know I can deal with anything.

And it's the same with what I'm facing with Lee now. Things are probably beginning to look uncertain to a degree, but if I can't learn to deal with the trials now, what makes me think I can stick with it for the long haul?
I've got to start somewhere.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
~Philippians 4:13