Through the six months Lee and I had gone through our online relationship (it doesn't feel like six months), not a day went by where I'd question what I wanted from this relationship and whether I'd dare take the plunge. I can't remember exactly when the idea of moving over came, but it came as an encouraging nudge that Sydney would be the best place for me to move up in my career.

For over a year prior to this, I was drudging through work in the worst of moods and even researched immigrating to Australia. But I never did anything about it other than passively look for work in Australia online. It was as if the timing presented itself right and tempted me to when Lee brought it up.

Of course, that was just the first hurdle. I felt that for me to take that plunge and not hide things from my parents, it might have been easier if they met Lee. So he took the chance and came up to KL. The whole idea suddenly felt surreal. It was as though he was calling my bluff by actually coming. You should've seen how nervous I was, just thinking of having him meet my parents. Never in my whole life had I formally introduced a boyfriend to them! x_X But it all happened.

When Lee went back, I went through this spiralling period of emotions. I didn't know what was next, other than going to Sydney. For almost a week, I was completely detached and questioned everything. Even Lee couldn't understand what was going on in my head, whether I was just being anal asking him all those questions or whether I was making up excuses.

I told him moving down might not be such a good idea - that my parents wouldn't like the idea of us living together not married... that I don't even have the legal paperwork to find a job... that I don't want to depend on him financially... that the whole idea was just too crazy for me. But deep inside I knew amidst the madness, my mum with the Filipina migrant blood in her would go for it any way. Gawd, I just wished it wasn't that simple.

And then, I got a job offer to work in Singapore. I thought to myself, this is a sign isn't it? Waiting a little longer to move to Sydney won't hurt. But the moment I heard they couldn't match what I was getting in Malaysia and it was a three month probation for a two year contract, I knew it wasn't right.

This whole year of having job offers in other countries felt like I was being told something. Yeah like, "Get out!" x_X Two false moving outs? This might be the third. My ticket to Sydney is a three month ticket, valid for 12 months. I might just be back in February. I might not. Only God knows.