The reason I'm whining, for once, is because in my whole life being in relationships, I'd never had any of my boyfriends tell me "Prolly not the best time" when I asked if I could call. I don't know why, but that just drove me absolutely berserk! Could've easily made me assume in paranoid splendour that he was cheating on me, of course. Instead, there I was, completely worried about him being in pain while he wasn't even sure what he was sick of... That anything could've happened and I wouldn't know fucking head or tail of what would've happened, and I just wanted to hear his voice to know he's there... And all he replies is that it wasn't the best time, while he goes off txting me that his friend's mother reads my blog. I'm sorry, but I just wondered who had their priorities right here.

That night trying to sleep, I found myself crying hysterically instead. To think that I'd finally found the courage to get my ticket to Sydney. I had the right frame of mind to cancel it the next day. But he called in the midst of my tears. And I didn't tell him at all that I was hurt. He thought it was because of something else. I just sobbed the whole hour he tried to talk to me. My hurt turned into absolute guilt over the fact that he was in physical pain. *sigh*

Sometimes I feel like its wrong to know so much about how an LDR should be. I can only tell him how emotionally hysterical I can get. But that's only half the battle. I just end up blaming myself for being emotional and insensitive, when I'm not sure who was wrong. Repression works well when you want to keep everything rosy.