28-yr old nocturnal over@nal geekette Malaysian.
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The Diary
Locked up inside an old rickety bedside two-drawer table were letters and momentos. Pen-pal letters, love letters, unsent letters... an engagement ring. When we moved house, I didn't unpack the drawers, I just took the whole table. And it sat there unopened for almost two years. I found the key just two weeks ago.
Last night, amidst mental euphoria, I unlocked the drawer and pulled out a diary. Not the ones I kept as a journal of my life. An ordinary-looking office diary with 19911990 embossed on the spine, faded and traced with sawdust. The silverfish are having a field day in there. This is one book I'd be embarassed for anyone to see. The letterings left on the front, made in liquid paper, definitely says so.
Opening it, I'm greeted with names, dates, professions of "love"... *gawks* among other things. This diary feels like a childhood away.
I flip to the page with names of crushes listed. Since 1989. Not recently updated, I count them to almost 50 over names. That's an average of three guys a year! >_< I guess that just proves that I do have my heart on my sleeve. Looking through the names, some brings memories, some make me cringe. Others I've forgotten, and some I want to forget. But I think the reason why I'm reading them is to cross out the names of those who recently got married. I also updated it. The names in different columns. But it doesn't seem to matter any more. Nor does it have the same meaning. This diary is a representative of my naiveness and adolecence. Faded.
I have this foreboding feeling that this chapter in my life would be permanently closed soon. And where would this diary be? Burned? Forgotten? Or thrown away?
(image taken from http://www.friendship.com.au/gifts/diary.html)
Comments
diaries are a fun [yet sentimental] way of relishing your past *sigh* memories =)
keep them..
cyber-red | February 3, 2006 6:13 PM
it is. but i fear to think it becomes misunderstood by anyone who stumbles on this one in particular, much later.
midnite lily | February 3, 2006 6:45 PM
forget my diary, even my blog makes me wince and tempts me to hit the delete button everytime i see the archives.
but people should understand, everyone evolves, no one stays the same as the person in the diary from years back.
Lainie | February 4, 2006 2:16 AM
hrm.
i don't write diaries anymore.
my blog has already occupying my free time.
my diary used to filled with emotions and those sad heartfelt i had over a guy who would never love me.
chengsim | February 4, 2006 10:42 AM
lainie: hehe. & u ask urself, "i wrote THAT?!"
true. i guess as long as the diary is just memories and not baggage.
chengsim: do u miss actually writing instead of typing?
midnite lily | February 4, 2006 5:12 PM
1991, hey that's when we were in SRTM! :) The only thing I kept from that year was an autograph book and photos :)
carina | February 4, 2006 7:40 PM
1991 is just after SRTM actually. & i still have my autograph books too! ^_~
midnite lily | February 4, 2006 7:49 PM