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In the midst of the whole getting engaged affair and wedding plans, I'm beginning to discover how much obviously Western in upbringing I am. When I had a friend ask me,
What's an engagement? ... Is it a cultural or religious thing?My first thought to that was,
No wonder no one congratulates me for being engaged. They don't even know what it means.
For the things that I am ashamed to speak of. For the times I feel too weak to move on. For the times I feel hopeless, dejected. And question God why am I here. There is a reminder. Found inscribed in a book a friend gave me, four years ago.
"Do not follow where the path may lead... Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. That's courage."
Moving forward
The warrior of the light does not always have faith. There are times when he does not believe in anything at all.
And he asks his heart: "Will all the effort be worthwhile?"
But the heart remains silent. And the warrior must decide for himself.
So he seeks an example. And he remembers that Jesus endured something similar - in order to live the human condition in all its fullness.
"Take this cup away from me," said Jesus. He too lost heart and his courage, but he did not stop.
The warrior of the light remains faithless.
But he moves forward nevertheless, and his faith will return.
~Paulo Coelho, Warrior of Light
Lina Joy lost her case today. I am not disappointed. I am proud of her. Some people asks why does she want to be a martyr and fight against our country's laws. If you hadn't realised, she isn't fighting for herself, but for the many who are as oppressed like her.
This following story is taken from Paulo Coelho's book "Like a Flowing River", which I believe is very apt for Lina Joy's case.
"I can't get in"
Near Olite, in Spain, there is a ruined castle. I decide to visit the place and, as I am standing there before it, a man at the door says:
"You can't come in."My intuition tells me that he is saying this purely for the pleasure of saying 'No'. I explain that I've come a long way; I try offering him a tip; I try being nice; I point out that this is, after all, a ruined castle. Suddenly, going into that castle has become very important to me.
"You can't come in,"the man says again.
What started out as an email to one of my married girlfriends about the name change legalities in Malaysia (or rather the lack of, as I discovered), became a discussion about holding on to our passport. Actually, it was more about the cross-cultural divide that many of us choose to take without thinking ahead. Far ahead.
This is an issue I've constantly felt close to my heart. And I believe, something I have constantly blogged about. I know that even before leaving for Sydney, Lee and I had already covered many possibilities related to our relationship's future. A lot of issues, which I believe not a lot of people embarking on long term cross-cultural relationships have thought about.
My girlfriend's aunt has lived and been married to a Swiss for over 20 years, and currently has to deal with a teenage son. Her purported anguish in dealing with the cultural differences of bringing up a Western teenage boy among other things, have driven her further into homesickness. With knowing full well that Western upbringing embraces an individualism that forgets the parents in older age, my friend's aunt is very much prepared to come home to her sisters in Malaysia, especially if and when her husband passes on. My girlfriend's advice to me was to retain my Malaysian passport regardless of circumstances, should I want to come back home.
I replied to my girlfriend that the issue her aunt is facing, isn't about being Malaysian. It's about where your heart is, where you call home, and how you grieve the loss of your identity/old life - or part of it - and whether or not you let go of it; then how much you choose to move forward with it.
While I may not know specifically the pain and frustration her aunt may have faced, I knew it well from growing up watching my mother in her frustration. Her Filipino background where language, culture and lifestyles are completely different from Malaysia, saw her through agonizing grief of seeking a sense of belonging and rediscovering her identity.
I knew full well that that being with Lee would find me in a parallel world with my mother. When you uproot yourself from your culture, to be replanted in a place totally alien to you - from the language, sense of belonging, nuances of a community or lack of, the food, climate etc... Anyone would feel naturally alienated and frustrated because you would practically have to unlearn the things you knew as a child. The things you knew aren't wrong. They just don't apply to your new life anymore. If a person isn't aware of this, it will be doubly hard to deal with moving on in life. It will just be constantly dismissed as homesickness, and you will forever lie in a cycle of grief. Instead, you should let your old life die and move forward. Be aware of the pain and gradual shedding of your old skin. Let it go, and let yourself live with dignity. Accept that you will need to learn new things. New ways to adapt to this new world, new culture, new life. I believe we're made human beings who can adapt. We're made versatile, limited only by our refusal to try.
I guess what makes it harder for some when they've left "home" because they've fallen in love with someone else of an alien culture, is when the other person doesn't related or understand the pain you're going through, and just dismisses it as homesickness. In that way, the pain doesn't heal. It lingers.
The thing is, Lee and I have spoken about all this. Things that go beyond 5 years from now. We're both aware that being together would mean bridging not just our personalities and lives, but also our culture, experiences, beliefs, pain, frustrations etc... from two very different worlds. The most important for us is recognizing that we will be very different, even if we share so many ideals and beliefs that are similar. And we will continue to discover more of our differences all through our lives together. It's not a one time only learning process. It's constant.
I will learn what makes me different from him, and vice versa. I will learn what growing up in Malaysia is like, and how different it is from Australia - from the climate, societal norms, people's thinking, the importance of a sense of community that Asians have etc. He will learn the same. But we also acknowledge that while a lot of regular parents only think of basic parenting, we being from two different worlds will have to reconcile our differences for our kids. We have to know that they will have to deal with their own identity crisis' because we've merged our two cultures. And because the Australian/Western culture will be dominant (for example), we will be aware that the recessive Asian culture might be put down. We have to know all these to counter them.
I grew up hating being part Filipino. I didn’t like that I wasn't like the rest of my Malaysian peers. You were either part of the majority Malay or Chinese Malaysians in class. Their cultures were more clear cut than mine. I remember once in primary school, after the Chinese New Year holidays, the teacher asked everyone in class to tell stories of when they "balik kampung" (went back to their hometown) and what they did with their grandparents, relatives etc. I cried because I felt left out. I cried because I wasn't like everyone else, that I didn't have a "kampung" (village) to go home to. Of course, I didn't know why I was so different then. I just didn't want to be different. I wanted to belong.
While knowing my kids might face what I went through, I also know Australia's very multi-cultural enough for my kids not to feel the same alienation I felt in school. I will also have to bear in mind to teach them the importance of their backgrounds, and not to be ashamed of it. Things which my parents probably never taught me, or even realised enough to teach me.
Which brings me to mention that, for all these reasons, is why when my dad realised my relationship with Lee was going to be serious, he told me to take it slowly. He told me once before, that if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn't marry someone of a different culture. It hurt me to hear him say that, but I understood what he meant.
But with the things that I know now, which my dad probably didn't know when he married my mum, I believe I'm better off than them. Because Lee and I have spoken about it, and we know most of what we're in for. I think a lot of people don't realize this when they go into inter-cultural relationships. It's funny though, how despite knowing how hard path up ahead is, we still want to go on. Sometimes there are things in life you won't understand, but God has reasons for them.
I guess now's a relatively safe time to speak of the girlish name changing fantasy. You know, those things we used to do as a teenager... Scribble our full names on notebooks, and change our surnames to the guy's whom we'll think we'll marry. Hehe...
The Big Squid pointed out that I'll be Zona Marie Sheppard, and exclaimed
"Ooh, what a movie star name!"LOL. I think Zona Marie Rodriguez sounds more glam though! That's my mother's maiden name.
Thing is, I've already decided a long, long time ago that I'd hyphenate my name with my husband's surname. I didn't quite figure out why I preferred it that way. Maybe it's a gender equality thing? Or maybe it's just a compromise so I could still keep the nice ring to my names. Especially if the guy I married didn't have an interesting surname. Hehe. Being a bit more certain of the likelihood of the hyphenated surnames I'd have now, I guess keeping my own surname would also be about retaining my Asian cultural identity. Bad enough I already have non-Asian sounding names. If I went by Zona Marie Sheppard, everyone would be expecting a kwai loh. And neither would I want to look like a wannabe.
But I didn't honestly always like my name, you know. It was too... different. Strangely, I wished I had a common English name like Anne or Andrea. Or at least something that started with a letter that was easier to sign with! Yeah, I had trouble making up my signature.
Later on, when I decided I wanted to become a journalist one day, I knew my name would somehow stand out in the byline. I couldn't help imagining it on a book cover either.
So when I did finally come to terms with my name, I became rather anal about it. You can imagine what it was like working in television and making sure the editors got my name right for the credits. It's just that I hated (and still do!) when people would drop my middle name. I'd insist they at least initial it.
I had this problem when I was in Sydney. Apparently the Australians, unlike the Americans, don't use middle names. Aussie forms don't even have a space to fill in your middle initial, at least! So almost all the documents I had in Sydney were "Zona Tan". Ugh. Lee suggested I hyphenate my first and middle name if I wanted to keep it. But at the time (before he proposed), I was thinking to myself,
That would look so weird... Zona-Marie Tan-SheppardHeh. Besides, what would the legal implications be if my names appeared so inconsistently?
Which brings me to the question, does anyone in Malaysia legally change their names after they marry?
If you haven't noticed by now, there's a Suite101 widget on my blog blatantly linking you to more of my writings. As if you haven't had enough, I am a new contributing writer to the site and will be writing professional articles mostly for travel and culture. Although, I do have a couple of ideas for other topics already.
I stumbled onto Suite101 a couple of weeks ago while trying to find some ideas for the wedding. When I found that they were hiring writers, I thought I'd give it a shot. And now, I'm not just writing in this blog lor. So it'd please me if you take a peek once in a while and let me know your comments about the articles.
This is me to heading back to my first passion, and possibly gradually leaving the throngs and uncertainties of life in the film and television world. But who knows?
This isn't an official notice from Vision Works, nor does this have anything to do with my part as line producer with Sumolah (because my tenure was complete in Sept'06). But for those coming to my blog googling "Sumolah+soundtrack", the producers have not released the soundtrack as yet. What you can check out for the moment are the songs used in the film, from various sites online. Not all are the audio files though.
* C. Loco's Legend of Boo
* C. Loco & Tech Supremo's VVIP (Sumolah Theme)
- Live performance at Sumolah's Gala Premier on YouTube.
* DJ Phuturecybersonique's Tanya
Song's from Pacai's debut album, which you can also find at his website www.pacheye.com
* Hujan
* Sandiwara
* Jangan Dengo
The Sumolah themes can be found at Celcom's Channel X - Music/Tonez section...
I know there's a song sung by Afdlin the man himself in the film. But what's found at Channel X is the Japanese version of "Hari Ini".
I guess just take this as a teaser hey? The best is yet to come. Makes it all the more reason to wait for the soundtrack and head out to buy it. Afdlin never disappoints when it comes to his music, as you guys have seen from his previous OST wins and own music career.
All Sumolah internally related posts:
*Let's Sumo!
*Sumolah, other views
*Sumolah themes and songs
*Sumolah in cinemas this week!
*Sumolah's a wrap!
*Fluttering Sumolah at the film festival
*Sumolah, going ons
*Sumolah people
*Sumolah's begun
*Feeling the "nokotta" spirit
I'm taking the unhappy cue from her. Not that her entry made me unhappy. More like I've been feeling wretched since I got back to KL. Yeah, I hear you...
In Sydney feel miserable... Come back to KL also miserable... How lah?The last thing I want to hear is anyone saying
"I told you so"So what? Like I'm not entitled to my emotions issit? Blah-lah... Why should I feel like I can't blog what I'm feeling just because I'll know you'll judge me?
Sometimes I wish, life was as simple as choosing all the elements that make you happy and put them in one place. That's the bad influence of being a tech geek.
Click and choose... change settings, customize your colours, backdrop...Yes lah, I know life isn't like that laaah. I cannot wish issit?
And don't say
You'll snap out of it.Of course I will. You think what? I jump out the window issit? Sorry lah, my house not that high. Gawd. Last time when I live in apartment can lah.
Bla bla bla... Pretend you oso know what else I'm ranting about here okay? I'm sure you know everything and heard it all already, yah?... bla bla bla...
*geek mode alert*
Oh.mi.gawd! Joost is awesome!! (I know I'm a bit *slow* but, my sifu sent me an invite this arvo *grins*) Coming from a TV & film background, Joost is awesome!!!!
The program is based on P2PTV technology and is expected to deliver (relaying) near-TV resolution images. It turns a PC into an instant on-demand TV without any need for additional set top box.The future is now....
~Joost, Wikipedia
(I'm upset Lee didn't show me Joost earlier. He's been a Mac beta tester for a bit already. Even while I was in Sydney! bah.)
While in Sydney, I was rather clucky. I couldn't help it. Which girl wouldn't ogle at endless numbers of cute blonde, curly haired, blue eyed bubs? And those curly red heads, and strange green, brown, grey eyed variations.
One of Lee's nieces has one blue-grey eye and brown-grey for the other. Why are Caucasians so colourful lah? And the Americans call us coloureds. tsk.
Anyway, I had a four year old Irish-English girl under my care while in Sydney. A neighbours. She was a sweetheart. Very intelligent girl for her age, and quite talkative too. She'd even unhesitatingly talk to older kids. Once, at the park, she made friends with a few older girls about the ages nine or so, and asked them to play with her. I watched amusingly, as instead of playing a game they all knew, she would instruct everyone on what to do and assign them roles. And they'd follow her, in playful obedience.
I mused at the simplicities of this child-likeness. Where age, nor race mattered. Children would point out obvious physical differences, like your hair or skin colour, and would acknowledge you're different, yet would embrace you anyway. Adults would interpret a child's word as their innocent view of the world. Yet if it were an adult who'd point out these differences, you're racist.
I'm also amazed at how alert and responsive the bubs in Sydney were. Correct me if I'm wrong, but any time I see a baby, even in KL, I'd smile at him/her or their parents. More often than not in Sydney, the babies would instantly smile or laugh in response. I'm curious, are the parents in Australia doing activities with their children that are different?
It also feels like a joy to be a parent in Australia. Neighbourhood playgroups with amazing facilities. Buses with seats for pram users. A few parks and playgrounds in every other corner. While sitting in the playground minding Ciara, I also watch the different cultures of families there. I noticed it always is the Asian parent who'd noisily and incessantly cry
"Careful! Watch out! Don't do that, it's dangerous!"to their kid's every move. Even in a public play set made especially safe for young children.
I mentioned it to Lee, and he said
the (Western/Aussie) parents probably don't care because the government will pay for their broken bones.Which is true. Insurance and health care is indiscriminately available for all Australian residents. But it also made me think of the little Aussie kids who do fall down, get up and keep at what they're doing. No sobs, nor crying for attention. I believe that kind of nurturing from young actually encourages and teaches a child the concept of continually trying even after they fall. Like learning independence. I think that's what I recall my dad saying he did similarly to me as a toddler. Anyway, it makes sense. All the mollycoddling Asian parents do to their kids, sort of adds to the need of being spoon-fed and dependant on the family. Not that it's not entirely a bad thing. There's pros and cons for both.
We have so much to learn from children, instead of the other way around sometimes. And spending time with them in a playground, feels like I'm garnering the wisdom to life.
If you haven't seen, or aren't looking at the new look blog - hit refresh!
I never asked for it. Lee said the blog needed a face lift. So this is the slave master's handiwork.
Brickbats!
Sydney's blue, blue skies.
Cooking in Lee's kitchen.
Having Woolly's right next door.
Keisha batting my face with her tail. tsk
Babysitting Ciara.
Watching the dogs run free in the park.
Starting up a conversation with strangers, in queues.
Sydney's harbour views.
Lee.
I'm bidding my time very restlessly, before the next film project starts. I'd been nursing bad cough and cold since Sunday. Apparently cause from too much wine and champagne from a friend's wedding Saturday night. My dad said,
"You're not used to Malaysian weather any more."Right. Is that what a short five months does?
If you haven't already noticed, I've started blogging with my real name. I was going to stop blogging. But I can't, really. Time will tell if I decide to keep the midnitelily.com domain. A bit hard to just get "rid" of it after more than six years of attachment.
My own review was posted here. These are more Sumolah reviews...
The Good: Afdlin Shauki is an awesome comedian. His timing is always spot on, and he played to the stereotypical expectations of a fat person. I liked the introduction to sumo; not sure how accurate it is, but it was interesting to learn something new. The trip to Japan was lovely, but I suppose the credit goes to Japan for having all these bootiful sceneries.
...
The Bad: I have a major, major grip with sound. Someone explained to me before how Afdlin directs/ acts in his movies, and does not record sound on-location. I think it is a serious overlook in any movie-making attempts, because IMHO sound is critical and crucial in the deliverance of a movie.
~Suanie's - Sumolah! great expectations
Some parts of the movie are too draggy... and Celcom is so Kiasu... scared that people dunno that they are the main sponsor meh... too many flag/logo bearers walking around the Dohyo... very the kakaciauciau... irritated me a lot cos it was covering the camera shots of Afdlin & Gurmit... worst still the bearers are so "kayu"... it's not even necessary to circle the Dohyo...they can exhibit their logos around the Dohyo or get the audience to hold it like OGAWA... they should have got sexy japanese girls instead to circle the Dohyo with a board stating 1st round, 2nd round or 3rd round... and the sponsors name can be printed on the board... =) just my 2 cents worth...
But overall... I enjoyed the movie..
~Steven Lai, via email
Reviews found via Google.
At times, one does wonder whether the Japanese embassy sponsored Sumolah, what with the numerous insights into Japanese culture and the frequent highlighting of their hardworking and honourable traits. But that is hardly the loudest announcement of the film's commercial involvement. Sumolah literally screams its corporate backing over the loudspeakers. The presence of such companies in the background, foreground, dialogue and as a replayed advert on a TV in the film, is, at times, overwhelming.
But don't let that detract you from the bigger picture.
~Think Online's Sumolah review
Does a film with casts coming from 4 countries makes a movie international? Does branding and movie blend well together?
These are 2 out of many questions that arised in my head before watching the movie SUMOlah. To be honest, i’m not a big movie fan and going to a cinema to watch a Malay Movie is something that i do once every blue moon. Anyhow my buddy asked me to join him for the movie and what the ehck, i went to watch this movie which turned out to be MUCH BETTER than many malay comedy movies i’ve seen before…
~Azuan Zahdi's movie review: Sumolah
Secara mudah aku cakap tak rugi RM10.00 yang aku belanjakan. Lagipun sebagai orang berbadan besar mustahil untuk aku membenci filem ini. Hero gemuk, hero baik hati, mulia, rajin dan yang penting, hero (orang gemuk) dapat awek cun (heroin)… Cayalah Afdlin.
The whole cinema laughs like mad, memang sebuah karya lucu terbaik yang pernah diterbitkan oleh anak tempatan.
~Sumolah – Filem ke Iklan?
Sumo is an ancient Japanese sport traditionally participated by big guys. There really is nothing more to say about it. When I first found out that a Malay movie was being made about sumo, I was skeptical. Even after I found out Afdlin Shauki was behind it.
Don’t get me wrong. I like Afdlin Shauki. He is a very good all-around talented artist. He is funny and witty as an emcee, good songwriter (Dayang’s Erti Hidup) and singer too, actor (recently crowned Best Actor for Buli Balik) and director. However, I did have a sneaky feeling that fat people are going to be made fun of. That kinda put me off. I did manage to catch the movie, thanks to Sensasi Selebriti’s Gathering.
Boy, was I wrong. Sumolah was made with care and showcased fat people as normal human beings with feelings and not just objects of ridicule and/or slapstick comedy.
~Uninhibited Imagination's Review - Sumolah
Aku suka citer ni. Macam yang aku tulis kat dalam forum -
"Menonton citer SUMOlah nih macam membaca buku yang bagus. No quick-reading to skip the not-so-good part so I can end the book quickly and say 'Nexttt...!'"
Masa aku perati orang tengah gelak² melihat gelagat Ramlee masa starting citer ni, it reminds me of Tom Hanks dalam citer Cast Away. Penonton gelak tengok perangai Chuck Noland
terkontang kanting kat pulau-takde-orang tuh walhal...kalau PERKARA yang sama berlaku kat korang, would you LAUGH about it?
~Republik Cinta's Sumolah
pada pendapat aku, Sumo ni best. tapi kalo compare ngan other movies yang lepas-lepas still masih under par kalo compare ngan Buli, Buli Balik, Baik Punya Cilok! meby sebab banyak sangat promo servis & produk oleh penaja. setiap kali diaorang guna produk & servis oleh penaja.. aku rasa macam.. "isk.. bosan nyer.." "isk.. ini lagik"
para seponser pun, kalo iyer nak seponser movies afdlin.. buat la secara indirect.. as long as your logo and servis tu visible dalam movies tu pun dah ok. huhu..
ape pun, aku memang suka movies Sumo nih :) yeay!
~Simplest Thought's Sumolah Review
All Sumolah internally related posts:
*Let's Sumo!
*Sumolah, other views
*Sumolah themes and songs
*Sumolah in cinemas this week!
*Sumolah's a wrap!
*Fluttering Sumolah at the film festival
*Sumolah, going ons
*Sumolah people
*Sumolah's begun
*Feeling the "nokotta" spirit
While our chauvinistic MPs continue to rage on arguments that they never apologised for their sexist remarks, Human Resources Minister Datuk Seri Dr Fong Chan Onn reveals that a sexual harassment act is in it's final draft and will be tabled in Parliament soon.
I sure hope Batu Gajah MP Fong Po Kuan (and all other female MPs) will take Dr Fong's advice to "ensure all employers treat sexual harassment cases seriously and investigate all complaints of such nature"
by making full use of this act. Wouldn't it be beneficiary to the public to know that even the government as employers can take care of their MPs with this act? It's happened one too many times, after all.
Copyrights belong to 1337 pr0n artist, Lee Sheppard.
G'day lah, or for those who prefer mandarin - knee how. Zona wrote to me via SMS last nite as she had come to terms with, in her own words, full circle. Her reasons for starting this blog in the first place was one for discovery and experience. A journal she could keep that when first started very few people had interest or even knew what a blog meant.
Zona and I shared equal nerdiness (engrish is a grate langwidget, you can make stuff up and it still make sense). Way back when it was't very common, we both started blogs. I had started using a script on my site that was meant as a news script for posting reports on the website. Slowly progressing to better scripts like Graymatter and on to the earliest version of Movabletype and greater. As the years went on and the concept of online journalling took off it really did change the way we both wrote on our blogs. From the early beginnings where you could be very personal and not worry about writing your thoughts on the net (noone really bothered reading blogsites then), to the current day where people take blogging seriously and follow some writers religously. I see the fascination the world has taken on seeing things for what they really are. TV shows have been the most obvious towards this trend as we see reality shows spawning in larger numbers by the day. People want to be able to connect and find meaning to what happens and can happen in our lives. To know someone else is going through similar experiences brings us comfort. Not knowing the future scares us. To read an entry that you can emtionally connect to brings you closer to the writer and calms you knowing that you're not alone in your travels or experience.
Without being biased, Zona is an amazing writer. Her england teacher be proud should-or-not lah? Long or short, her entries could speak a lifetime of experience and also of someone encountering the pains of life. Readers felt the compassion and shared their thoughts by leaving comments. It was amazing to sit back and view another persons heartache and pain, and also happiness in life on an almost daily basis. We could both read about each others lives without meeting and yet be continents away. It was like having a pen pal.
Critics are like a***holes. Everyone has one and some like to show it by means of commenting. My friends, her friends and complete strangers have criticised entries she has written. Alot of those criticisms were from people who misunderstood what the entry was about or would prefer to highlight themselves to display their prowess in trying to win arguments. Criticising is easy but when you point the finger at someone, remember there are another three pointing back at you. It seemed at times people piped up when they found it necessary to make Zona take dictation for them. This site is hers, not theirs. If you don't agree with what she writes then move on. I can't believe it is something so easy to do but some people keep coming back for more. Did these people flick doberman's ears for fun as a kid? Surely their energy is better suited to fighting their cause with their own governments or whatever their issue is. The flipside is that criticism brings debate and can be a positive to make us grow. I know Zona has taken her critics seriously and has been affected very emotionally by some of what was said. What you don't know is that she took those comments to heart and felt very hurt. But she always questioned and corresponded with those people to find the truth or understand more. This is something I love about her. She would go out of her way to understand other peoples views. She actually cares what you all think whether she knows you personally or not. It truly is something I admire.
The entries here were made to share with you about her experiences in work and her personal life. But as I've mentioned here already as the time has flown by over the years it has come to a point where even those of our grandparents age are reading or are able to read the site. There are somethings you want to share and some you don't with family. Blogging was great in the early years as viewers had little emotional connection to you. Now knowing that exposure has grown the site, it has become harder to find what to write about. It's also about a point in life you reach where things take change and turn you around.
So when Zona sent the messages to me this morning in the wee hours I knew exactly what she was talking about. I didn't think I could say anything to change her mind. I love her for who she is and for her caring and sharing attitude. But I knew there was only so much left she wanted to publicly share. It's been a long road for her online with this site and she has covered and given us so much. Without this site, we would never have found each other. With this site I have come to known her on a personal level long before we met in person. This site has given so much and also taken so much. To her, it felt time and as in nature all flowers shed to regenerate. The lily was wilting.
But also like nature there will be the new blossom to long and wait for and admire. It takes nurturing to see the fruits of labour and appreciate nature at its best. There are topics that I know you will want to know of and about that are yet to come. There is still alot Zona has to share. But it won't be in the same manner seen here over the years. There are some things that we will keep private for our own sake. We both are part of the entertainment industry and will continue to be for many years yet. And as I'm sure you are all aware, if you are in the spotlight the last thing you need is someone trying to dig up dirt on your life. I'm not saying gossip magazines are interested in us, it's more about what words are spread throughout the industry about our lives that we want some control over. I would prefer that our future employers knew us for our work rather than our online lives. And it has already come down to seeing the affect of blogging and how many people we interact with in work or personally.
Is it really the end? I wouldn't like to think so. But I feel that what Zona writes from now on will be very different from her previous entries. Will this make her change the name from Midnitelily to MidmorningLily? no (I already asked her). The name and photo will be the same, her domain name will be the same. But you may not recognise her through the changes that will happen. Her readers will change, she won't be writing to the same audience.
"Why you write only on site now lah?" I here you say. Well it's cause I can write short epic entries not unlike this one and Zona wants the posts to be short and sweet and to the point. I just had a few points to share lah. And besides, I gotta wedding blog to maintain now so you'll have to go check that out wan. Besides, I realised that my england still bad lah, going back to study to bring talent up to speed. Hey Z, did I mention I was one of ten chosen for that AFTRS course?
See you all in due course.
I've come full circle.
Being here, writing here, I am naked in your eyes. I am vulnerable to you, in every way contrary to the person I am in the flesh. What started as an introverted view of my world, has grown to become a stage for you to watch, feel, share, criticize, understand every emotion, thought and milestone of my life.
You're hidden behind numbers. You're disguised in windows. I don't know you, but I do. You know me, but I don't. And the more I know you're there, the more I want to hide. But really, I can't any more. Because this is the path I chose. And this path is coming to an end. The time's come for me to shed this skin. This part of my world. A new one will begin. I no longer need this. I have to let go. I've seen the signs. I know now.
Little over ten years ago, I broke up with my first love. A young adult, on the verge of stepping into a wider world of wonder. I moved on to another, and another... and another... and other. They say you never forget your first love. And indeed, you never do. In the journey, I decided to "turn back" a few times. I knew he never forgot me. But the other he was with, bittered by us, didn't want him to have anything to do with me. He was half a world away. Half a day away. So midnite lily became. To pursue my past, to wonder if I could still be with him. Underneath the shadows of the hour, I hid. He knew.
Nothing came of it. But the name lingered with me. So many other names came and went, but this one lingered. Stayed. I didn't know why. It just became a presence that lived and breathed its own life. The life that you know and read.
A year ago, to midnite lily, he wrote...
I've been reading some of your recent posts and have a feeling or sense of compassion for what you're experiencing. I wouldn't want to let any of it go by without letting you know that, from someone remotely/removed by land, I've dealt with the same.You know the story. You know where we are now. This is the reason. He is the reason this name lingered for so long.
The realization came to me last week, my circle of friends are closing together. A dear close college friend was talking to two clients one day, talking about blogs. He told them about his best friend who've been blogging for so many years, and it's one of the few he reads frequently. One client was curious, and asked the blog's name. He said, "midnite lily." The other, bemused,
"You mean Zona?"This friend, naturally asked if this client knew me.
Of course he did. He was my first love. He knew midnite lily very well.
He married last December.
It's over.
This is midnite lily's last entry.
Talk about the universe telling me something! Don't look for a partner, they'll find you.
come to an end.
Every day with him, I was more certain;
Each day away from him, I am sure now.
Every circumstance against us, I believe firmly;
Each painful distance, I become stronger.
Today, now, tests to watch me waver;
Tomorrow, soon, I do, forever.
Are you marrying him to get an Australian citizenship?WTH?! Gawd... I wasn't very alert at the time to give a sarcastic reply. What I should've said was this,
If all I wanted was a just passport (with a roo and emu on it), I'd have married you!*sigh*
As promised, a review of Sumolah minus the gala night's fanfare. (Shaz and I sort of missed out on the "blue" carpet event prior to screening, because we were doing the bridal talk instead. *cheesy grin*) Spoiler warning.
Without trying to wax lyrical about a film I worked on, I will say that from the two screenings I'd attended, I initially found the film's story somewhat cluttered and too crammed. Only because I couldn't help noting what scenes were cut, which sub-plots had to be sacrificed and how it was edited to eventually convey or introduce characters. I was told that the first cut was four hours long! Quite an epic-wannabe hey? Heheh... But what you'll be viewing in the cinemas is 150 minutes.
Despite being two and a half hours, I have to say that Afdlin definitely has comedic talent which you will find exudes in this film very entertainingly from the first minute. And I don't mean merely slapstick comedy. Sumolah is armed with honesty and wit that captures the essence of Malaysian values and humour. Hence, each frame will never be a dull moment.
Another aspect of Sumolah which breaks away from your regular Malay film plots, is the Japanese-Malaysian relationship theme.The film introduces Honda-san (played by Patrick Teoh), the Japanese owner of Boleh Sushi restaurant, who've long made Malaysia home; and his daughter Siti (Nang Nak's Inthira Charoenpura), as a rojak child of Malay-Japanese parentage. The two, along with Boleh Sushi's two employees Haris (Awie) and Andy (Radhi Khalid), show Ramlee (Afdlin Shauki) the spirit of the Japanese phrase, nokotta (used in the sport sumo).
Though a handful of the original sub-plots were left out, there will be many facets of the film which you will find to embrace. Even from repeated viewings. From learning about the Japanese culture and pride, to relating about what makes Malaysia home. Or merely to enjoy it from it's entertaining mockery of Japanese anime come alive. Or go to see nekkid Japanese butts on the big screen!!! x_X
What makes Sumolah's screening special for me was the line when Honda tells Ramlee why he calls Malaysia his home and not Japan,
Malaysians are sincere and dedicated people.That ranks right up beside Ramlee cussing Akira (Phua Chu Kang's Gurmit Singh)
Pokemon punya Dragonball!
If you haven't given any Malaysian films a go at the cinemas yet, especially with the revolutionary age it's going through now, give Sumolah a chance. May 10th onwards the date to let's Sumo!
postdate. The other thing I forgot to mention was Sumolah's soundtrack. Although it hasn't been produced yet, I *heart* the songs in the film!
***
Seadevilyn's review - You Son of Pokemon, Spawn of Dragonball!
Kim Hooi's photos - Sumolah
Tech Supremo's - SumoLah : Advanced Review & Premiere Gala Report
All Sumolah internally related posts:
*Let's Sumo!
*Sumolah, other views
*Sumolah themes and songs
*Sumolah in cinemas this week!
*Sumolah's a wrap!
*Fluttering Sumolah at the film festival
*Sumolah, going ons
*Sumolah people
*Sumolah's begun
*Feeling the "nokotta" spirit
Tonite's the night! The gala premier of Afdlin Shauki's Sumolah! *^_^* I'd gone to the press preview on Friday morning, and had my first full viewing of the film. It was also a reunion of sorts for the film crew, as laughter filled the hall watching the final output of our months of stress, pain and hard work. I won't be doing a review of the film until after I've watched it again tonite, because I felt that my first viewing was too much from the perspective of a production crew eyeing what had been cut out, and all the other crits a production person would make. I was terribly excited to see my name in the credits in the beginning of the film tho! Heee...
Anyway, go catch Sumolah - in cinemas Thursday May 10th onwards!!!
In the meantime, make a date with Sumolah's cast at the film's roadshow!
9 May * TGV Cinemas, KLCC (Charity Show) 7.30pm
with Afdlin Shauki, Awie, Inthira Charoenpura
10 May * MBO Galaxy, Ampang 8.00pm
with Afdlin, Awie, Patrick Teoh, Inthira Charoenpura
11 May * TGV Bukit Raja, Klang 8.00pm
with Afdlin, Awie, Patrick
12 May * TGV Kinta City Shopping Centre, Ipoh 3.00pm
* Mega Cineplex Prai Megamall, Butterworth 8.00pm
with Afdlin, Awie, Patrick
13 May * GSC Queensbay, Penang 1.00pm
* Cathay Prangin Mall, Penang 4.00pm
with Afdlin, Awie, Patrick
18 May * Star Cineplex, Kuching 8.00pm
with Afdlin, Awie, Patrick
19 May * KK Cineplex Growball, Kota Kinabalu 3.00pm
* Cathay, Kota Kinabalu 7.00pm
with Afdlin, Awie, Patrick
20 May * Tha Mall Cineplex, Brunei 3.00pm
with Afdlin, Awie, Patrick
*Taken from GoldenOro's blog.
All Sumolah internally related posts:
*Let's Sumo!
*Sumolah, other views
*Sumolah themes and songs
*Sumolah in cinemas this week!
*Sumolah's a wrap!
*Fluttering Sumolah at the film festival
*Sumolah, going ons
*Sumolah people
*Sumolah's begun
*Feeling the "nokotta" spirit
Having been back a week now, getting used to KL life again has been quite disorienting. The first two obvious shocks were suffering the humidity, and re-encountering the infamous Malaysian driving culture. Although five months isn't exactly a long time, I was beginning to feel Sydney growing on me. I must admit, despite the harrowing first three months, I found myself dreading my impending departure in the final two weeks. It was my autumn of discontent.
Of course, no displacement experience goes without displeasure and realisation of things taken for granted in either places. I had also been warned by varying people that relieving homesickness by "going home" may only further disappoint because it will merely be temporary relief. Given, it is an inescapable mix of emotions, but without regret.
Upon arrival and meeting up friends, I actually began to feel myself a stranger. One friend greeted me with
"Welcome back. I hesitate to say 'home' because you have begun to make Oz your home."Consequently, I noticed other friends doing the same as well. "Welcome back" and not "Welcome home".
I am in that transition of making a new home for myself, and being in it gives me the feeling of estrangement. Somehow, the metaphor of finding my room calendar stuck at November was breathing life through the re-acquaintance of my friends. It didn't feel like I was "catching up" with them. Rather, I felt like I had moved too far forward. Five months away, felt like five years away.
One of my best friend's words that we have "outgrown this city" began to come to light. Days here began to unravel as a reminder of why I wanted to leave KL. The complacent and apathetic attitudes... The settling for second best... The lack of self-motivation or effort... Why do people feel like if life isn't happening for them, they quietly settle and hope their restlessness goes away? I feel disappointed when I hear people not grabbing opportunities because of fear or some other excuse. I know I'll be vilified for saying all this.
Of course lah! You found a kwai loh to marry! You're just in love. You're just lucky. You're brave, I'm not. Too troublesome lah, Malaysia okay what...*sigh* No, I am one of you. And all the realistic excuses you have, I have. I have just learnt over the years to open my eyes to opportunities, weight them and take them; to see the glass as half full. Plus I do have my fair share of frustrations and difficulties, emotionally, financially...
Perceptions are strange. If you write negatively, people envision every thing as bad. If you write positively, cynical responses arise. I can't please everyone, but I do know that-
"Life is a sum of all your choices."And that despite my occasional depression as a result of other people's own issues, I can bounce back and keep living again. So I know this reverse culture shock is merely temporary.
~Albert Camus
This is a long overdue Foodie Friday entry. So I've put together three dishes or meals that I've had towards my last week in Sydney. Only one being something I've attempted to cook - the Bak Kut Teh dish I mentioned I was making.
On one of our unusual grocery shopping trip (unsual meaning, not shopping next door at Woolly's), I found a packet of Claypot brand Bak Kut Teh herbs. Somehow I've become a hoarder every time I find a Malaysian brand spice packet, and bought this not knowing if I will even make it for Lee one day. Of course, it ended up not as a choice of meal for just the two of us, but a dish for entertaining a couple of new friends.
After proper deliberation on whether I would attempt making a curry dish or Bak Kut Teh for my kwai loh guests, I decided on the latter as a definitely more authentic Malaysian "experience". And also because of the herbal content, I thought it appropriate for the cool autumn weather we were having. Then came my quest to find out which version of the pork bone tea I was going to make, and where to find the must have Yu Char Kwai (Chinese crullers).
The pork bone tea eventually found itself simmering with three types of pork meat from the butchers - diced pork, pork belly and pork ribs; enoki mushrooms, sliced button mushrooms, tofu puffs and later on, iceberg lettuce leaves blanched in its serving bowl.
As for the Yu Char Kwai, I didn't have any difficulty getting them in Ashfield (the Chinese suburb where Lee works). Dinner was served to our two delighted guests on Saturday night, where one of whom quite enjoyed dipping the crullers in the soup. He mentioned to me that it was very similar to a pastry which they have in France.
Because I had made such a big pot of Bak Kut Teh, my supposed brunch outing with my German friend the next day ended up at home to the warmth of the reheated broth. My misgivings about the strong herbal smell and taste of the tea were slurped away by all three guests delight and enjoyment over a new dish.
***
The Friday of our Relationship Declaration was also Lee's niece's birthday. Her parents had already booked a table at Jordon's, Darling Harbour for the family on Saturday, so it became a double celebration for us. Here's the deluxe seafood platter for two which Lee & I shared.
That isn't your regular lobster, that's a Balmain bug. And the dozen of Sydney Rock Oysters, although cheap, it's rather small. Also on the platter were chilli prawns, mussels, squid, seaweed, grilled prawns, crabs and chips.
B & H took Lee and I out for dinner the Sunday before I left. We went out to The Rocks in search of a gourmet pizza bar that served Australian meats, which Lee had been to before once for his birthday. Eventually we found The Australian Hotel on Cumberland Street, The Rocks.
Clockwise from right - Salt Water crocodile marinated with fresh Thai herbs and served on spicy coconut cream with Asian greens; BBQ Emu - Spanish onion, roasted capsicum and fresh chilli; Roast duck - mushroom, Spanish onion, Asian greens, shallots, sesame seeds with a plum ginger sauce; & Pepper Kangaroo marinated in native pepper with roasted capsicum and munthari berries.
With an ex.
ex#4: aloooYes, the commitment phobe has stopped running. And right now, would like very much to run back to Sydney. *ho-hums*
ex#4: how u?
ex#4: and congrats are in order too eh? =D
midnite.lily: trying to reacquaint myself with the humidity.
midnite.lily: heheh.. thanks
ex#4: thot ur coming back on the 20th
midnite.lily: eh? 20th?
ex#4: i thought i read ur coming back on the 20th somewhere
ex#4: then i read u got registered =P
midnite.lily: relationship declaration. not marriage register
ex#4: err...almost the same =P
midnite.lily: not
ex#4: for u it is, cos ur the commitment phobe...so making a declaration like this...=P
ex#4: *runs n hides befeore kena whacks*
Frosted mirrors and smoke-filled glass,
Listening in on eerie noises of the past;
One glance, surreal
Two looks, for the present;
I am a stranger, reticent.
I've initiated a blog for all the updates, mush and accounts leading up to our eventual wedding. The link to our wedding diary is also accessible in my navigation bar. So make a beeline over whenever you feel like it. Cheers! *^_^*
I'm sure we confused a lot of people about our status. Lee and I didn't get to tell my dad about the engagement before he found my blog entry. My mistake for not withholding my excitement, anyway. Heh. And when I announced it to my girlfriends via email, they weren't too sure what was going on, despite being excited about everything anyhow. Then there was Lee's mum who noticed the ring, but thought it was just incidental to our relationship declaration.
The relationship declaration program is not a legal binding union. Rather, it's a program only recognized in the City of Sydney where they register us formally as a couple in a committed relationship.
The Relationship Register is a means of recognising the relationship of both same-sex and mixed-sex couples. Although registration does not confer legal rights in the way a marriage does, it allows couples to make a written declaration that they are mutually committed to sharing their lives together. Couples also have the option of holding a ceremony to celebrate their declaration.
So it's not a civil union, nor a marriage register. Plus we didn't even need to say "I do" or anything at all during the ceremony. The program was just something we both felt was beneficial and significant for us and for the paperwork we need to submit for my PR application. He just made it more special by proposing to me. ^_^ Hence, the real thing should happen in a year or so. This also changes the application type; not a de-facto application. Rather, a Prospective Marriage Visa instead.
Being engaged is still sinking in, albeit very slowly though. I really don't know where to start. But, be rest assured a wedding blog will be up soon enough.